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This article was co-written by Deanna Dawson-Jesus, CD (DONA). Deanna Dawson-Jesus is a midwife, reproductive education and breastfeeding specialist based in Danville, California. As the owner of Birthing Babies – A Celebration of Life, Deanna has 19 years of experience as a midwife and has assisted with over 250 births. She also has more than 5 years of experience as a postpartum assistant and supporting more than ten families. Deanna is highly trained in assisted reproductive technology, normal delivery after cesarean section, and support for loss during pregnancy. She is a DONA International certified midwife and teaches at Blossom Birth and Family.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 28,142 times.
Punishing children can be quite a daunting task, especially for stubborn or older children. Not only will punishment help teach young children about acceptable and unacceptable behavior, but the specific type of punishment will also teach them how to respond to adverse situations as adults. If you deal with negative behavior with rational discussion and problem-solving, your children will learn this, because they will learn a lot more from your actions than from your words. Most experts agree that the most important part of punishing children is making sure they feel safe and loved, and they also say that positive reinforcement is more effective than punishment.
Steps
Give consequences for bad behavior
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Be clear about expectations and consequences. You should make sure your children understand your expectations and what will happen to them if they break the rules. You can tell children about the consequences of their actions by explaining the connection between choices and outcomes. For example, you can link your child’s behavior to consequences by saying things like:
- “You will have to leave the park early because of your bad attitude.” [1] X Research Source
- “I lost my turn because I stole your toy.”
- “I had to leave early today because I bit a friend.”
- “I lost my right to play with toys because I refused to pick them up.”
- “I lost everyone’s trust because I was dishonest.”
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Allow your child to learn from mistakes. Actions have consequences, and places like schools, churches, and society all have their own set of requirements for your child. Sometimes, children need to learn from their unhappy experience to understand that their rules of behavior are not confined to the home. Although it can be difficult, your child needs to fail every once in a while in order to be aware of the consequences.
- For example, instead of staying up late to help your child with their homework before it’s due, give them a bad grade if they don’t do their homework. This lesson is especially important for older children as they will begin to hope for independence and gain your trust. [2] X Research Source
- For younger children, this lesson can be built from a less serious form. For example, if your child intentionally damages a toy, you should not replace the toy. This method will help them learn about responsibility and understand what it feels like to lose something.
- Children of all ages need to learn to respect others, so you should not interfere if your child is not invited to a party or event because they have misbehaved with other children. other children. [3] X Research Sources
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Use timeouts (isolation or face-to-face) to punish children when necessary. This is a great way to give children and parents time to calm down after a stressful situation. Choose an area that is quiet and free of distractions, but not necessarily out of your sight. Ask your child to use this time to think about a solution to the problem that keeps them isolated.
- This method should not be used to stigmatize or punish a child.
- For young children, especially those under the age of 3, you can use a timeout mat to keep your eyes off them. This is a portable mat, and you can take it with you to use even when you go out. [4] X Research Sources
- Each time of separation should not last more than 1 minute for each year of the child’s age. [5] X Research Sources
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Remove privileges or confiscate a certain toy. You should do this right after the child commits a mistake so that the child understands and associates the bad behavior with punishment. Take this opportunity to teach your child about natural and reasonable consequences by associating confiscation of certain toys or privileges with bad behavior.
- Material objects such as toys will be quite suitable for younger children, while older children will respond better to the loss of privilege or freedom they already have.
- Do not surrender and end the punishment process earlier than intended; otherwise your child will learn later that he or she can control the situation. [6] X Research Source
- You can remove your child’s privileges including the right to watch TV, play computer or video games, play with friends or go to the park, party, or use the family vehicle. with older children.
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Avoid physical punishment. In many countries and regions, corporal punishment is illegal, it negatively affects the parent-child relationship, and can be detrimental to normal physical development. children’s society. Most experts agree that, while corporal punishment will affect a child’s immediate behavior, it does not help a child understand right and wrong. Instead of giving children control over their own emotions, corporal punishment teaches them that physical violence is a perfectly acceptable response to anger and adverse situations. [7] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- Physical punishment can lead to aggressive behavior.
- There is no evidence that this is an effective method to curb future misbehavior.
- The negative effects of this punishment follow the child into adulthood in the form of substance abuse and mental health problems. [8] X Research Sources
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Take away temptations for young children. Young children and babies are curious and will have a hard time understanding that they are not allowed to touch certain objects. The alternative that you can take is to remove all these objects from the child’s field of vision so that they are not attracted. [9] X Research Source
- For example, if you don’t want your child to play with your phone or other electronic device, you should store them where they won’t see or reach them.
Help children recognize wrong behavior
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Keep calm. You can completely detach yourself from the situation and allow yourself time to calm down. Deferring punishment will give you time to establish appropriate punishment, and let your child think about the action they took. You should make it clear that you need time to calm down, and that you will discuss the matter when you are ready.
- Try not to be sarcastic, threatening, or critical of the child. This will only make your child angrier and can have a lasting effect on his or her self-esteem. [10] X Research Source
- Watch for warning signs of a fight-or-flight response, such as an increased heart rate, sweaty palms, and tremors. This happens when you are feeling extremely angry, frustrated, or heartbroken.
- Practice different relaxation techniques and determine the one that works best for you. Deep breathing, walking, meditating, and soaking in the tub are all good therapies to help calm you down. Many people even feel that activities like cleaning, exercising, or reading are great ways to calm down.
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Say “no” to your child. Act as soon as you notice your child is behaving inappropriately and focus their attention on the behavior they have engaged in. You need to explain to your child why this is unacceptable behavior, and help them understand why they are being reprimanded. This method will make children understand that their behavior will have consequences.
- Be serious, but don’t yell. If you yell to express your feelings, your child will learn the same. [11] X Research Source
- Stay calm and act quickly, but don’t rely on anger.
- Speak clearly and make eye contact.
- For young children or toddlers, sit down at the child’s level when talking.
- Explain if your child is old enough to understand. Keep things around emotions and focus on how their behavior affects and hurts others. For teens and young adults, it’s a good idea to discuss the broader consequences of their actions or decisions.
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Isolate the child from the situation. If your child is misbehaving, angry, frustrated, or disruptive, you should separate him or her from the situation. Take children to a safe place to discuss their feelings and behavior, and tell them how to improve in the future. Remember that young children often don’t know how to express themselves properly, and punishment is not the best method to teach them. [12] X Research Source
- Encourage your child and reassure them that you are always supportive of them.
- Say you love children.
- Soothe your child by saying you understand them.
- Young children respond best to hugs and physical closeness at this time, as it makes them feel safe and loved.
- Older children often won’t want to be cuddled in this situation, but you should make sure you’re there to support them, and teach them how to soothe or calm them down. This includes deep breathing, counting, distraction, listening to music, and visualization techniques.
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Put yourself in the position of the person in power. Young children are often disobedient and unwilling to listen if they think they can get away with punishment. You should create a reminder to your child that you are the decision maker. Repeat this sentence when the child misbehaves. Stick to your decisions, or your kids will think they’re in control. Remember that you are their parent, not their friend, and it’s not your job to try to please them but to keep your children safe and healthy, and to teach them about etiquette and responsibility.
- To establish control, you can use a phrase like “Mother/Dad is your mother/father” or “It is the mother/father who has the power here”.
- Don’t give in no matter how angry your child is. Don’t give up even if they’re trying to manipulate you (by holding your breath, for example).
- Older children will challenge you in this situation. You should encourage children to participate in discussions about decisions that can affect their lives, and to understand the impact of different choices on them. Remember that the final decision is yours, but be prepared to explain why you made the decision so that your child is aware of the responsible decision-making process.
Reinforce good behavior in a positive way
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Model good behavior. Your child needs observation to know what good behavior is. No matter what age your kids are, they will notice how you react and behave in a variety of situations. Make sure you model the behavior you want your child to perform. [13] X Research Source
- For example, if you want your child to have good manners, you should make sure that you set an example for your child to follow. This can be as simple as saying “please” and “thank you,” or waiting patiently in a supermarket queue.
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Praise the child. Sometimes kids mess up because they know they’ll get attention, so it’s a good idea to recognize, acknowledge, and express your appreciation for their good behavior rather than simply reacting to it. bad move. This measure will boost self-esteem, encourage better behavior, and prevent bad behavior. Focus on your own feelings and on the positive impact of your child’s behavior, and your child will learn that good behavior itself is a reward.
- Tell your child that you are proud of the right decision they made.
- You need to be specific when praising your child and emphasizing the behavior you want to acknowledge.
- Depending on your child’s age, you can thank them for listening, sharing, or for completing duties and responsibilities.
- Compare past actions with current ones and focus on your child’s progress. Set realistic goals for your child to continuously improve in the future. [14] X Research Source
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Reward good behavior. Give your child small rewards to thank them for listening, playing well, getting things done, and other good behaviors. Children’s favors can also be used as rewards, but you should avoid using food as a reward, as this can form bad eating habits. Do not bribe your children to behave properly by rewarding them in advance.
- Many families use sticker charts to track positive change in young children. Tell them what you expect from them so they can get a sticker, and at the end of the day you can hold a family meeting to discuss your child’s behavior that day and take action. what your child has done makes him/her worthy of a sticker (or not).
- You can also use a grading system, and good behavior will earn your child bonus points that can be exchanged for fun activities or gifts. [15] X Research Resources This point system will provide older children with perks, such as using the family car or going out with friends.
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Allow your child to make decisions. Children often behave inappropriately because they feel that they have no control. You should allow children to have the power to make small decisions and they will feel more in control and less disruptive. [16] X Research Source
- For younger children, allow them to choose between reading and coloring before dinnertime or bedtime.
- Let children choose their own clothes.
- Allow children to choose which toys they can use during bath time.
- Ask your children what kind of sandwich they would like to have for lunch.
- As your child gets older, the decision may become a little more important. You should allow children to choose which classes they want to attend if the school allows, or let them decide which sports or after-school activities they want to participate in.
Advice
- Consistency is the key to your success in educating your child. You should make sure the child’s caregiver (worker, babysitter) understands the right way and time to punish the child.
- Be firm: don’t allow your child to get away with punishment just because they’re angry.
- Always be patient, and remember that young children may not be able to tell you what’s going on, and their actions may be rooted in frustration.
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This article was co-written by Deanna Dawson-Jesus, CD (DONA). Deanna Dawson-Jesus is a midwife, reproductive education and breastfeeding specialist based in Danville, California. As the owner of Birthing Babies – A Celebration of Life, Deanna has 19 years of experience as a midwife and has assisted with over 250 births. She also has more than 5 years of experience as a postpartum assistant and supporting more than ten families. Deanna is highly trained in assisted reproductive technology, normal delivery after cesarean section, and support for loss during pregnancy. She is a DONA International certified midwife and teaches at Blossom Birth and Family.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 28,142 times.
Punishing children can be quite a daunting task, especially for stubborn or older children. Not only will punishment help teach young children about acceptable and unacceptable behavior, but the specific type of punishment will also teach them how to respond to adverse situations as adults. If you deal with negative behavior with rational discussion and problem-solving, your children will learn this, because they will learn a lot more from your actions than from your words. Most experts agree that the most important part of punishing children is making sure they feel safe and loved, and they also say that positive reinforcement is more effective than punishment.
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