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This article was co-written by Cher Gopman. Cher Gopman is the founder of NYC Wingwoman, a New York-based dating consultant. ‘NYC Wingwoman’ offers matchmaking and dating advice, one-on-one coaching, and an intensive weekend coaching program. Cher is a life coach and former mental health nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1 and the New York Post.
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Understanding body language can help you bridge the gap between relationships, because nonverbal communication accounts for more than 60% of the meaning of interpersonal communication. [1] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press. Noticing the cues that an interlocutor is sending through body language and being able to understand them is a very useful skill. With a little flair, you can learn to read other people’s body language, and with regular practice, it will become second nature to you.
Steps
Read Emotional Signs
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Cry. Crying is considered an emotional outburst in most cases. Usually, crying is an expression of sadness or loss, but there are also cases of crying because of happiness. Sometimes, people also shed tears from laughing a lot due to the impact of humor. Therefore, you need to look closely at the signs to determine the appropriate context of this behavior. [2] X Research Source
- There are also times when people cry forcefully to entice sympathy or to plan something. This case is called “crocodile tears”, this is an idiom drawn from the story of a crocodile pretending to cry while hunting. [3] X Research Sources
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Angry or threatening. You may notice this if the person frowns into a V, eyes wide, lips open or pursed. [4] X Source Tipples, J. (2007). Wide eyes and an open mouth enhance facial threat.Cognition and Emotion, 21(3), 535-557.
- Crossing arms is also a signal that the person is angry and keeps a distance. [5] X Research Sources
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Worry. When people feel anxious, people often blink more, the facial muscles contract continuously and the lips involuntarily pursed. [6] X Research Sources Harrigan, JA, & O’Connell, DM (1996). How do you look when feeling anxious? Facial displays of anxiety. Personality and Individual Differences,21(2), 205-212.
- People who are worried often stand still, limbs always feel redundant. [7] X Research Sources
- Restlessness can also be expressed through foot-beating or thigh-vibrating movements. [8] X Research Sources
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Expression of confusion. People often smile wryly, turn away and look away when they feel embarrassed. [9] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
- If someone keeps looking down, they’re probably embarrassed, shy, or embarrassed. People also tend to look down when feeling angry or trying to suppress their emotions. When people keep glancing at the ground, they may be having an uncomfortable thought or feeling.
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Recognize signs of pride. People often show pride by holding their heads high, hands on hips, and a small smile. [10] X Research Sources Tracy, JL, & Robins, RW (2007). Emerging insights into the nature and function of pride. Current Directions in Psychpogical Science, 16(3), 147-150.
Read Relationship Signs
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Assess cultural behavior and contact, or distance and touch. This is a way to convey a message in a person-to-person relationship. Physical closeness and touch are signs of special affection, affection, even love. [11] X Burgoon Research Source , JK (1991). Relational message interpretations of touch, conversational distance, and posture. Journal of Nonverbal behavior, 15(4), 233-259. .
- People in intimate relationships often require less personal space than strangers. [12] X Research Sources Burgoon, JK, & Jones, SB (1976). Toward a theory of personal space expectations and their vipations. Human Communication Research, 2(2), 131-146.
- However, personal space is also affected by region; You should remember that what is considered normal in one place can become strange in another.
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Read through your eyes. Science has proven that when people are in a conversation that they are interested in, their eyes focus on the other person’s face 80% of the time. They don’t just look at the eyes, but will focus on the eyes for a few minutes, then move down to the nose or lips, and then back to the eyes. From time to time they can also look down at the table and then back into the other’s eyes. [13] X Research Source
- If people look around during a conversation, they are probably bored and ready to end the conversation. [14] X Research Source
- The dilated pupils show that the person is interested in the story, except in cases where they use stimulants such as alcohol, cocaine, ecstasy, drugs of all kinds, etc. [15] X Research Source
- Eye contact is also frequently seen as a symbol of honesty. When one person has something to hide and avoids the other’s gaze, it is a widely accepted scientific proof of lying. [16] X Research Sources However, as noted above, when it comes to eye judgment and lying, there are many individual variations and exceptions.
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Look at the posture. If a person has their hands behind their head or neck it means they are ready for what is being discussed or maybe just relaxed in general.
- Crossed arms or legs is a sign of low rejection or acceptance of the other person. In general, when a person’s body begins to prepare for this pose, it implies that they are both mentally, emotionally, and physically closed to the other. [17] X Research Source
- In a study of over 2,000 recorded negotiations to assess negotiators’ body language, in negotiations where participants crossed their arms or legs, no agreement was reached. between parties. [18] X Research Sources
Read Signs of Attraction
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Assess eye contact. Making eye contact is a sign of attraction, such as blinking 6-10 times more than usual per minute. [19] X Burgoon Research Source , JK (1991). Relational message interpretations of touch, conversational distance, and posture. Journal of Nonverbal behavior, 15(4), 233-259.[20] X Research Sources
- Blinking is also seen as a signal of self-indulgence or attraction. However, in some Asian cultures they will frown when they see you winking because it is rude. [21] X Research Source
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Observe certain facial expressions. Smiling is one of the most obvious signs of attraction. Make sure you can spot a forced smile by looking into their eyes. Real smiles often create small wrinkles around the eyes (called crow’s feet). When someone puts on a fake smile you probably won’t see the wrinkles. [22] X Research Source[23] X Research Source Burgoon, JK (1991). Relational message interpretations of touch, conversational distance, and posture. Journal of Nonverbal behavior, 15(4), 233-259.
- Raising eyebrows is also considered flirting. [24] X Research Sources
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Consider posture, posture, and attitude. Usually people who are attracted to the opposite person will try to bridge the gap between them. That means they will lean slightly towards the person or even show more clearly in body contact. A light touch or caress on the arm can be a sign of attraction.
- The attraction is also reflected in the feet that are always directed towards the object that we are interested in. [25] X Research Sources
- Upward palm is a sign of romantic interest as it shows that the person is opening up. [26] X Research Source
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Different genders also show different attraction. Men and women have distinct ways of seducing through body language.
- Men tend to lean slightly towards the object of his interest while women will lean halfway and lean back a little. [27] X Research Source Grammer, K. (1990). Strangers meet: Laughter and nonverbal signs of interest in opposite-sex encounters. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 14(4), 209-236.
- Men often raise their hands above their heads at a right angle when they are feeling excited. [28] X Research Source Grammer, K. (1990). Strangers meet: Laughter and nonverbal signs of interest in opposite-sex encounters. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 14(4), 209-236.
- When a woman wants to show off her attractiveness, her arms reach out and her hands touch sexy areas of the body such as between the hips or the chin. [29] X Research Source Grammer, K. (1990). Strangers meet: Laughter and nonverbal signs of interest in opposite-sex encounters. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 14(4), 209-236.
Read Signs of Power
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Pay attention to eye contact. Eye contact is a channel of gestural communication and is the primary primary way humans show power. A person who wants to strengthen his or her authority is free to stare and carefully observe the other when the two are making eye contact. The more powerful person will also be the last to break eye contact. [30] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
- If you’re looking for a way to project power, staring is the best way to intimidate. [31] X Research Source
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Evaluation of facial expressions. A person asserting authority will also refrain from smiling to keep communication serious, and they may frown or purse their lips. [32] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
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Assess behavior and attitudes. A gesture of authority; Constantly pointing at others and using a condescending gesture is their way of showing others their status. In addition, a person with a high and broad stance often appears very relaxed, this is also a way to demonstrate bravery. [33] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
- The dominant individual will also have a firm handshake. They often put their hands on top with their palms facing down; The handshake will be very tight and maintained to show the upper hand. [34] X Research Sources
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Consider how a person manages their personal space. High-status people often have a lot of physical distance from subordinates to show power and dominance in the workplace. [35] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press. In addition, an expansive posture is also a sign of strength and authority. [36] X Research Source
- Power also manifests through standing and sitting. Standing – prominent and distinct – is a pose full of authority. [37] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
- A straight back and strong shoulders show confidence. People with low self-esteem have a rather heavy gait, with their back slightly stooped forward. [38] X Research Sources
- The dominant individual usually leads and precedes a group or is the first to walk through the door. They love to be pioneers. [39] X Research Sources
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Look at how one person touches another. Status-conscious people often have many options when it comes to touching others because they feel confident in that position. In general, in situations where one person has the upper hand, he will touch the other often and boldly. [40] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
- In a social situation where two people have equal status, both will respond to physical touches in similar ways. [41] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
Understanding Body Language
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Reading body language is not easy. Behavior itself is complicated because everyone is different and has different ways of expressing themselves. [42] X Research Sources Knapp, M., Hall, J., & Horgan, T. (2013). Nonverbal communication in human interaction. Cengage Learning. Understanding body language can be challenging, because in order to decipher the signals that other people send, you have to put them into context. For example, did that friend mention to you that he had just had an argument with his wife or was not promoted at work? Or does he look nervous during lunch?
- When deciphering other people’s body language, it’s important that you factor in your personality, social factors, nonverbal behavior, and circumstances. This information is very useful, but it is not always available. People are complex, so it shouldn’t surprise you that the way they use their bodies to communicate is equally complex!
- Compare reading body language to watching your favorite TV series; After all, you don’t just watch a scene from the movie but the entire episode to understand the meaning of a scene. You also have to keep in mind previous episodes, character history, and plot as a whole. Reading body language is the same, you need to look at the bigger picture when you want to analyze a detail in it!
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Don’t forget to consider individual differences. There are no universal rules when it comes to reading body language, and you may even have to “study” the person for a while. Sometimes what is right for one person may not be right for another.
- For example, when lying, some people try to break eye contact while others maintain eye contact even more than usual so as not to be detected that they are lying.
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Body language also differs from culture to culture. For some expressions and expressions of body language, the meaning of the message can be interpreted differently depending on the specific culture.
- As in Finnish culture, for example, when a person makes eye contact it is a signal that it is possible to approach. In contrast in Japan, if a person looks you straight in the eye, be careful as it is a warning of anger. [43] X Research Sources Akechi H, Senju A, Uibo H, Kikuchi Y, Hasegawa T, et al. (two thousand and thirteen). Attention to Eye Contact in the West and East: Autonomic Responses and Evaluative Ratings. PLoS ONE 8(3): e59312.
- Another Western example, when a person feels comfortable with you, they will lean forward and adjust so that both their face and body are facing you. [44] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
- Some people with specific medical conditions may have specific body language. For example, people with autism often avoid eye contact when listening to others and often appear restless.
- Although body expression varies from region to region, studies show that certain expressions of body language are common to most cultures. This is especially true in superior and subordinate communication. Like any culture, individuals in a lower position must obey instructions. [45] X Research Sources Eibl-Eibesfeldt, I., & Salter, FK (Eds.). (1998). Indoctrinability, idepogy, and warfare: evputionary perspectives. Berghahn Books
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Note that understanding is different depending on non-verbal channels. A nonverbal channel is a means of conveying a message or sign without the need for words. Nonverbal channels include gestural communication (eye contact, facial expressions and body language), tactile sensations (physical contact) and spatial communication (personal space). . In other words, they are the means of transmitting information between people. [46] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
- As a general rule, it is often easier for people to read facial expressions, then body language, and finally personal space and tactile contact. [47] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
- Even with each channel there is variety. As with facial expressions, not all are easy to understand. We can read happy facial expressions more easily than upset facial expressions. One study found that most individuals were better able to decipher emotions of happiness, contentment, and emotion than anger, sadness, fear, and disgust. [48]X Research Sources Wagner, HL, MacDonald, CJ, & Manstead, AS (1986). Communication of individual emotions by spontaneous facial expressions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychpogy, 50(4), 737.
Warning
- Don’t judge others by their body language alone. It’s not the only measure of someone’s social status, emotional state, or relationship level with you.
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This article was co-written by Cher Gopman. Cher Gopman is the founder of NYC Wingwoman, a New York-based dating consultant. ‘NYC Wingwoman’ offers matchmaking and dating advice, one-on-one coaching, and an intensive weekend coaching program. Cher is a life coach and former mental health nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1 and the New York Post.
There are 16 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 41,390 times.
Understanding body language can help you bridge the gap between relationships, because nonverbal communication accounts for more than 60% of the meaning of interpersonal communication. [1] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press. Noticing the cues that an interlocutor is sending through body language and being able to understand them is a very useful skill. With a little flair, you can learn to read other people’s body language, and with regular practice, it will become second nature to you.
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