How to Span Young Children Safely

Spanking young children is a very controversial topic. Most child psychologists do not support spanking as a way to discipline children. However, some parents say spanking with fairness, love, and care is an effective discipline method. Effective spanking will be at the discretion of the parents and with consideration based on both local laws and regulations.

Table of Contents

Discipline without whip

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Start slowly. Don’t spank immediately when you see your child doing something you don’t like. Talk to your child first, and try a peaceful discipline method if needed. Spanking should be a last resort after all other methods have failed.

According to some studies, conditional spanking (light spanking after the child is 2 to 6 years old does not correct the behavior before less severe discipline) is less risky than immediate spanking. . ^{[1] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

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Gently ask why the child is doing a certain action. Maybe your child doesn’t realize his mistake, or you misunderstand what happened. Talking can help you understand the situation: this includes helping your child see why it was a bad decision or helping you understand that he didn’t mean to misbehave.

If you’re so angry that you can’t stay calm, say, “Mom is upset and needs some time to calm down.” Get out of the room, take a deep breath, and then come back in.

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Explain the consequences of the child’s actions. Older children can self-reflect and recognize mistakes. Ask your child how he or she thinks others would feel about the mistake, or what his actions caused. You can communicate nonviolently and use first person such as “When you…, I felt…”. For example:

“How do you think I will feel when you break my toys?”
“When I didn’t see you at the store, I was scared. I want you to always be by my side so I know you are safe and don’t get lost.”
“How do you think Dad would feel when he had to clean up the poop in the bathtub?”

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Consider whether to punish your child or not. You don’t have to punish your child to discipline them.

For example, if your child decides to do something different after talking to you, you don’t need to punish him: he learns on his own.
Sometimes it’s you who needs to learn. Perhaps you expected too much from your child, or you made him feel so stressed that he couldn’t handle something calmly. Children don’t always have the emotional tools to handle stress the way adults do. Try letting go of control and keeping your child’s limitations in mind.

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Consider adopting non-physical measures (if necessary). Firmly and patiently explain to the child what needs to happen. Spanking should not be the first choice because there is always another way to teach a child. ^{[2] X Source of Research}^{[3] X Source of Research}^{[4] X Source of Research}^{[5] X Source of Research}

Say no firmly. Answer briefly and clearly in a stern voice. For example, “We don’t throw the ball in people’s faces”.
Clap hands – growl. With young children, you just need to clap your hands loud enough to make them stop what they are doing, then firmly say “no”. However, do not make the child startle himself lest he “cheat” or disobey.
Apply reasonable consequences. Ask your child to clean up the mess he’s made, fix something that’s broken, or pay for something that can’t be repaired. This is how to teach children to correct mistakes. (If your child is too young to clean or pay, you can do it with your child.)
Make a choice. Let your child choose between two or three options that you feel are appropriate. For example, if your child refuses to change clothes, you could say, “You can choose to put on your shirt first or your pants first.”
Make up for mistakes. Ask the child to correct the mistake he has made to others. For example, if your son said something harsh to his sister, you would ask him to correct the mistake by doing something nice for her. Offer some suggestions if your child doesn’t know what to do (e.g. “I could make a card for you”).
Punish the child to sit alone. This should only last for as many minutes as the child’s age (for example, punish a 2-year-old to sit still for 2 minutes).
Take away the privileges. Assuming the child repeatedly pushes you while playing, you will take the toy back and explain why.
Apply obvious consequences. For example, children who do not put their uniforms in the dirty laundry basket will not be allowed to play games, this is an obvious consequence.

Prepare before spanking

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Choose spanking only when you have tried all other options. Spanking should only be a last resort, after you have applied non-striking punishments such as removing the child from the situation, forcing him to stand still, or stripping privileges. Before saying you will spank your child, feel positive about your decision.

Spanking is illegal in many developed countries. Even if it’s legal in your country, it’s possible that the authorities prohibit it.
Many people see spanking a child as abusive, especially when you hit hard. Do not hit hard, use other objects, or leave bruises on the child’s body. People around can report to the child welfare association if concerned about your child’s actions.
Find out more ways to discipline children without spanking. ^{[6] X Research Source}

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Learn about research on the consequences of spanking children. Many new studies conducted over a long period of time show that spanking makes children behave worse instead of better. After being spanked, children may feel rejected, resentful, and unloved. Instead of learning how to behave, children will find a way to do something stealthily. ^{[7] X Sources of Research} Children who are spanked, or subjected to physical punishment, are more likely to experience some of the following problems: ^{[8] X Research Sources}^{[9] X Credible Sources American Psychological Association Go to Source}^{[10] X Research Source}^{[11] X Research Source}

The amount of gray matter in the brain decreases
Having difficulty in studying
Having mental health problems like anxiety and depression
Abuse of drugs or alcohol
Don’t trust others
Spouse abuse
Committing crimes while growing up
Has a low lifespan

Tip: If you don’t want this to happen to your child, think twice about spanking. The steps in the “Discipline without spanking” section can help you find more effective ways to change your child’s behavior, such as applying obvious consequences.

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Span the child in private. Spanking a child in front of others, especially friends or siblings, can be extremely embarrassing. This act creates resentment in the child and does not help the child learn how to improve the behavior. Privacy should come first when you choose to spank your child’s bare bottom.

Spanking was already a severe punishment. You certainly don’t want to make things worse by making your child feel humiliated in front of others.

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Warn that the child will be spanked if he does something. Your child may be upset, angry, resentful, worried, or even scared. You need to understand these reactions, even if you are sure of your decision.

It’s perfectly normal for children to cry before, during, and after being spanked, and should not be punished for it.
Try giving a final warning, like, “If you don’t stop grabbing your hair by the time I count to zero, you’ll be spanked.” This can cause children to stop what they are doing.

Perform the spanking

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Strike with bare hands and without the use of other tools. Do not use other objects because this can be dangerous for children.

If you feel out of control, leave the room and don’t spank your child right now.

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Remove the ring from your hand. Rings can be painful for your child and dangerous to your hands. You certainly don’t want to get in the way of hitting your child or causing him pain. Also, take everything out of your pocket so your baby won’t be uncomfortable lying on your lap.

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Have your child bend over on your knees. Sit down and have your baby lie face down on your lap. You can pull down your child’s pants and/or underwear, if you wish to do so. The next step is to ask the child to lie still, not get up, and let you know when he is ready.

If you choose to spank your child’s bare bottom, remember that while this helps you see the impact and avoid going over the edge, your child’s bottom is not covered and this can make some children feel uncomfortable. shy. If you find it difficult to lightly hit your child’s bare bottom, or if he feels embarrassed, hit him while he’s still wearing his pants.

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Relax your hands and all limbs, with one hand on the child’s back and the other on the bottom. Make sure the child does not wiggle and that the child’s legs do not swing.

Do not say anything while you spank the child. You’ll talk to the child after the spanking is over – don’t mind it for now.

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Pat the child’s bottom gently and do not hit hard. You don’t need to use force to successfully discipline a child, and hitting too hard can lead to trauma or psychological damage. Furthermore, the symbolism of the action is as important as the sensation of pain it causes.

To avoid injury, you should keep a safe distance from your baby’s genitals, tailbone, and kidneys.
The spanking should not last more than 15 seconds.
Preferably, the spanking should be mildly throbbing rather than painful; Therefore, you need to listen to the child’s feedback so as not to hit him too hard. You should also pay attention to the marks left on the baby’s bottom; if you choose to hit the bare butt: do not leave any marks other than a temporary slight redness. If you spank your child this way, pull up his pants and panties right after.

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Reassure the child after the spanking is over. Let your child know that you will always love him, even when he makes the wrong choices. Emphasize that even if your child makes the wrong decision, he’s still a good kid. Do not continue to punish the child after the spanking is over; Instead, you should forgive the child.

After being spanked, children will think they are not good, or that they are no longer loved. This misconception can lead to worse behaviors. ^{[12] X Research Source}
Don’t force your child to accept your loving gesture after being spanked, if he doesn’t want it. Research shows that showing affection to your child after being spanked can actually make a child’s anxiety worse. ^{[13] X Research Source} Children may feel confused and think that their parents are unpredictable. If your child wants to go back to his room and avoid being spanked after being spanked, you should let him do that. ^{[14] X Research Source}^{[15] X Research Source}

Advice

Children should not be spanked often. If you constantly spank your child, he may get used to it and behave worse. Instead, when you’re tired of spanking, gently hit your child’s hand to discipline.
You can use spanking to discipline children between the ages of 4 and 5. Younger children should not be spanked. As your child begins to understand the story, you can try to explain before spanking.
Avoid changing penalties based on gender. For example, if you’re willing to explain when a girl misbehaves, but choose to spank a boy in the same situation, that’s not fair. This may make the boy feel even more resentful.
When you spank your child, make sure he understands the reason for the spanking.

Warning

Keep in mind that if you choose to spank your child in public, you may encounter people who oppose the behavior, even if your actions are perfectly legal. Surely this will happen in a place where spanking is not welcome.
Do not spank children in any moving vehicle, especially public transport.
Do not spank your child while you are angry.
If your child’s school uses corporal punishment, and he or she is spanked at school, you shouldn’t continue to spank your child at home! Many parents still do this, but it’s an unfair double punishment.
No additional punishment such as making the child stand still or being banned from going out; spanking is enough.
Do not hit any body part other than the child’s bottom, especially the face or upper body.
Many people see spanking teenagers or hitting their bare bottoms as sexual harassment.
Comply with regulations that restrict or prohibit corporal punishment.
Do not spank a child when you are not the child’s parent, unless you have permission to do so.

Steps

Discipline without whip

Prepare before spanking

Perform the spanking

Advice

Warning

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