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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 29,571 times.
This experience is not fun at all. You think you’ve found a great guy and are eager to announce him as your boyfriend. However, it seems that something is not right . Whether it’s the gnawing feeling in your heart or the warning signals in your guy’s behavior or the warnings from your friends, the truth is that you’re on high alert. Is your boyfriend taking advantage of you? If you suspect a guy is using you – whether it’s about sex, money or fame – it’s important to get to the bottom of it and see if he can be your boyfriend for long. long no.
Steps
Analyze your doubts
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Think about what times he usually wants to be with you. Does he just want to hang out with you at night? Is there a time when he just wants to spend time with you alone? It may just be a coincidence that he only has time to spend with you at the right moment when you’re invited to the party you can’t miss. Pay attention to when he wants to see you, as this will reveal a lot about his intentions. [1] X Research Source
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Consider where he wants to meet you. If he just wants to see you in the bedroom, that’s clearly a red flag. If he never wants to take you out with his friends and just wants you to stay in his house all the time, he probably doesn’t intend to go public and declare you an “official” part. in his life. [2] X Research Source
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List all alarms and warning signs. Think about the details of each event. Think about things like how often he says or does things that annoy or upset you. Writing a list is a great way to think hard and bring up concerns that you’ve kept to yourself for so long. [3] X Research Sources
- Does the behavior repeat itself, or do you keep resenting a mistake he made just once six months ago? While you should think for yourself and stand your ground, there are times when you should forgive and forget if the person has apologized.
- The fact that he forgot to call you as he promised may only irritate you, but ignoring your birthday because he’s busy with other things is unacceptable. Look at the list honestly to gauge how bad his behavior is and how upset you’ve been.
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Talk to friends and family you trust. Sometimes the people around us can see things that we don’t realize. People’s rumors, warnings, and advice can be helpful when you have conflicting feelings inside. However, keep in mind that this relationship involves only you and him.
- Don’t tell everyone or anyone who wants to hear your story. Placing a shirt for the viewer’s back sometimes creates additional problems. You should only confide in trusted and well-intentioned people.
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Determine what to do. Once you’ve reviewed the situation, talked to someone you trust, and realized that your suspicions are frivolous, decide how to proceed. Maybe you have a bit of a lack of confidence and need to improve to feel more secure in the relationship. If you are sure that your insecurities are justified, you will have to find a way to confront your boyfriend to make it right.
Observe and test
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Stop responding to what you think he’s aiming for. In other words, think about whatever you think he’s using you for and cut it out. Watch for his reaction. In a healthy relationship, people in love have many things that make them happy and fulfilled. If your relationship has been severely damaged by a single change, there may be a problem.
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Tell your boyfriend that you want to calm down a bit if you suspect he’s using you for sexual favors or other intimate acts. If your boyfriend just wants to be with you in the bedroom at night, tell him that you’d rather go out during the day. When he starts cuddling, remind him that you’re not interested right now and ask him to respect the boundaries. [4] X Research Sources
- If you don’t know how to say it, you can say, “I want to focus on bonding, so let’s stop talking about that for now.” His reaction will tell you if the guy is taking advantage of you. If your lover really wants to move on, he will still be with you. If he doesn’t want to see you when he’s not around, don’t worry about this guy.
- Don’t forget, your body is yours. The most important thing is that the person respects you when you disagree.
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Be careful with your wallet if you suspect that’s why he “falls in love” with you. Say you don’t feel like wasting money anymore and come up with an excuse if necessary. It’s completely understandable if he doesn’t have the money to spoil you, but it’s not okay if he demands your pampering. If his feelings turn cold when the money is gone, it’s clearly a bad sign.
- Tell your boyfriend, “From now on I have to start saving money, so I will cut a lot of expenses”. Later, if he asks you for money to pay for something, you can repeat this. This time too, his reaction will tell you what you need to know.
- The same way to handle things that you suspect your partner is taking advantage of, such as popularity, gifts, etc. It may be difficult at first, but a good boyfriend will overcome it. Yes, if he values his relationship with you.
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Notice what he does for you. When you’re ecstatic in love, you may not notice that your partner doesn’t do anything for you. One can be so infatuated with someone that they are always looking for ways to defend the person they love. But now you should start to notice what he does or doesn’t do for you. It doesn’t have to be roses and romantic dinners – it can be just casual gestures of care.
- For example, does he make simple yet meaningful gestures like bringing you a cup of coffee when he knows you’re tired, or sending you an encouraging text when he knows you’re having an unlucky day?
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Know the difference with sweet compliments with flattering ones. If your boyfriend says he loves your sense of humor and wants to listen to your problems, it’s likely that his interest is genuine. But if he’s full of praise for your beauty right before asking for something, you should be wary. [5] X Research Sources
- Pay special attention to what he does that doesn’t claim any benefit. If he does nice things just to make you happy then that’s a great thing.
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Spend some time alone. You don’t have to formally inform your boyfriend that you need to “take a break,” but find a way to distance yourself from him for a bit. It is easy to accept bad behavior or ignore warning signs when in front of a lover. Whether blinded by love or scared at the thought of denying him something, it will be hard for you to think clearly when you’re with him. [6] X Research Sources
- During your time away from your boyfriend, rethink your relationship. Is what you get from your boyfriend commensurate with what you give him? Healthy relationships should always be mutually beneficial.
- By giving your boyfriend some space, you’ll also see his attitude when there’s nothing he could be using you for.
Talk to your boyfriend
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Find the right moment and handle it calmly. Let your boyfriend know you have something important you want to discuss with him, or else he might get defensive and upset about a surprise raid. [7] X Research Sources That way, your partner also has time to reflect on your relationship and prepare for a serious conversation. By planning ahead, you also have time to calm down, gather your thoughts, and decide how to deal with him.
- It is essential to enter the conversation calmly and thoughtfully. Be restrained even if you feel hurt or angry. The conversation won’t go anywhere if you cry and berate your boyfriend.
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Express your concerns. Be frank, but don’t attack him. Don’t downplay what you feel or hide how you feel. Your feelings are important, and don’t hesitate to express yourself out of fear of awkwardness. When you speak out about your inner feelings, you also give him the opportunity to explain, to comfort you, to confess, or to correct.
- Start with sentences that use yourself instead of the other person so he doesn’t think you’re attacking. Words like “I’m sad because we’re only together at night” is easier to hear than, “You only call me at night. I hate that kind of thing.” [8] X Research Sources
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Listen to your boyfriend. Even if you are absolutely sure that your concerns are well-founded, and that your partner has been taking advantage of you for a long time, giving him a chance to explain will help you get the hang of it. Don’t interrupt him, as this will only add to the tension. [9] X Research Sources If you disagree with something your boyfriend says, wait for him to finish before replying. When you listen to your boyfriend talk, you can also analyze his reaction after you have voiced your concerns. Is he contrite and apologetic or defensive and grumpy?
- Remember, how you feel is important. Even if your boyfriend insists that he did nothing wrong, don’t let him make you feel guilty for feeling that way.
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Decide what you should do to get over it, whether you stay together or you’re left alone. Once you’ve vented all your feelings out and your partner has heard your feelings, decide how you should handle them. If he doesn’t explain and apologize to give you peace of mind and optimism about the future, it may be time to break up.
- If you decide to stay with your boyfriend and believe that he’s sincere with you, work out a plan with him. If you feel hurt and feel like you’re giving a lot without getting much in return, you’ll have to think of a way to deal with this. Otherwise, everything will stay the same in the end.
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Remember what you’ve learned and apply it to your life. By recognizing the things that worry you, believing in yourself, facing the situation, and getting up and moving on, you will learn valuable lessons. You know what you will or will not accept in such situations, develop conflict resolution strategies, and practice problem-solving skills. Being taken advantage of is a painful experience, but it’s also an opportunity to learn to ask for respect and be treated better in the future. [10] X Research Source
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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 29,571 times.
This experience is not fun at all. You think you’ve found a great guy and are eager to announce him as your boyfriend. However, it seems that something is not right . Whether it’s the gnawing feeling in your heart or the warning signals in your guy’s behavior or the warnings from your friends, the truth is that you’re on high alert. Is your boyfriend taking advantage of you? If you suspect a guy is using you – whether it’s about sex, money or fame – it’s important to get to the bottom of it and see if he can be your boyfriend for long. long no.
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