How to Be Socially Confident

Show concern for others. Try to make people feel comfortable, valued, and heard. ^[7] The ability to do all of the above is a social competence and can help you become more confident. You need to be aware of the verbal or non-verbal signals you send to others. This helps you realize how to improve your social skills.

• For example, you may be aware that avoiding eye contact or crossing your arms in a social situation is an act that upsets other people.

Enhance nonverbal communication through body language. Use body language to show confidence or power posture. Research shows that a power stance can boost your confidence and make you appear more relaxed. ^[8] The power posture can be standing with legs apart, hands resting on hips or behind head. This is an open and wide stance. A few examples of confident body language include:

• Sit with your back straight, chest and shoulders wide. Place your hand on the table or put one arm behind the chair.
• Strong body posture with wide stance, wide shoulders and arms.
• Shake hands firmly to connect with others and help them remember who you are. ^[9]
• Smile to show you’re interested and enjoying yourself. ^[10]
• Make eye contact so the other person knows you’re listening. Most people feel comfortable making eye contact about 60% of the time talking, the rest of the time resting their eyes and avoiding staring at others. ^[11]
• Stay still, avoid fidgeting or swaying so you don’t look nervous.

Speak clearly. To appear confident, you need to speak clearly and at a level that others can hear. Adjust the pitch of your voice by speaking in a low tone. Research shows that raising your voice to mid-range before returning to a lower tone can backfire on confidence, assertiveness, and it doesn’t sound like you’re asking for permission. ^[12] Learning to regulate verbal communication in this way helps you appear more relaxed and confident in social situations. It’s easier for people to understand your words.

• Whispering is hard to hear and makes people think that you don’t want to join the conversation or that you’re not interested.

Talk at a reasonable speed. Make sure to speak at a moderately slow pace that everyone can understand. Sometimes you feel nervous and start talking fangs. This makes it difficult for people to hear and understand your message. To ensure a normal speaking rate, try to keep your breathing steady throughout the conversation. ^[13]

• If you find yourself talking too fast or talking too fast at the beginning, stop and take a breath before continuing.

Be an effective listener. Focus on what the other person has to say and imagine yourself in the other person’s situation. ^[14] This makes you more enthusiastic and helps you respond more appropriately and deeply to keep the conversation going. Letting the other person speak will remind you that you don’t have to carry the burden of the conversation. It’s also a sign that you respect and care about other people’s opinions, helping you get a more positive social response and boost your confidence.

• If you are nervous, you better focus on yourself, how worried you are, how you respond. However, this can make people feel that you don’t really care what they have to say.
• Avoid interruptive requests because they can make you nervous. Instead, pause to take a break after the other person has finished speaking. ^[15]

Put yourself in a social situation. Building confidence in social situations is an important opportunity. ^[16] Over time, your social skills will improve and develop giving you more confidence. Regular social contact helps you feel more comfortable, reducing anxiety over time. Try to put yourself in a variety of social situations and challenge yourself to strike up a conversation with others.

• You can say hello, introduce yourself or discuss a mutual friend, work location or setting. For example, you could say, “Hi, this is a great place to have a party. Have you tried any of the dishes?”

Role play. Ask a friend or family member to help you practice your social skills. Your friend will pretend to be someone at the event and you practice introducing yourself, standing up straight and speaking confidently, and then ending the story. This is a great way to practice each step of the “forward” introduction and ending of the story. ^[17]

• For example, the intro could be something like “Hi, I’m Hung, Mai’s friend” and have multiple topics for you to start your story with. Some story ideas: mutual friends, situations where people meet and get to know each other, or ask each other something about themselves such as hobbies, occupations.
• End the story simply by saying, “Nice to meet you and I hope we get a chance to meet again.”

Socialize with the help of friends. Ask a friend to come with you to a social event so you can meet their friends. Meeting friends with friends is a great way to practice social skills without having to approach or introduce yourself to strangers. Your friend can introduce you and you join the conversation when you feel ready. ^[18]

• For example, your friend says, “Hi Mai, this is Hoa. We go to the same school.” You can then let them continue talking or join the story.