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This article was co-written by John Keegan. John Keegan is a New York-based marriage and love expert and motivational speaker. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his knowledge of marriage and love, attraction and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and gives seminars on marriage and love internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This post has been viewed 38,028 times.
Maintaining a phone conversation with your girlfriend can be difficult, especially if you’re not used to talking on the phone for a long time. It can be difficult to figure out how to respond without visual cues like facial expressions and body language, or to think about the topic of conversation when you feel like you don’t have much to say. However, chatting with a girlfriend is not a nerve-wracking experience. In fact, with a little information and a good attitude, you’ll find yourself looking forward to it.
Steps
Search topics to chat about
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Ask many questions. This is the most important part of maintaining a conversation with anyone, from your girlfriend, to your grandpa, to your neighbor’s kid. As a general rule, people like to talk about themselves, and if you open this door, most people will walk in. [1] X Research Sources Try to ask lots of open-ended questions, and steer clear of questions with yes or no answers. The idea here is to ask about things that will naturally lead you into the story, not to rush into her interview questions.
- Ask about her day. This is a pretty obvious starting question. When asked “How are you today?”, many of us automatically respond with “Normal, thanks” without even thinking about it. It will lead you nowhere. Instead, try something more specific, like “Did you do anything interesting today?” or “Did you get to work in time before the storm started this morning? ?”. It might not get you into anything particularly engaging, but it will make it easy for both of you to start a conversation.
- Ask about common interests and people you both know. This is a great way to introduce topics you can both discuss and still ask questions. You should try to ask her what she thinks about the latest episode of a TV show you both like, if she’s read about a recent interview with a writer you both love, or watched something. similar no.
- Ask for advice and help. It’s important that you listen empathically to your girlfriend and comfort her when she’s upset, but if she feels like you never need her help, she’ll start to feel bad. I feel like a burden. No one wants to date a robot that has no emotions and never needs help. Don’t create problems unnecessarily, but if you’re struggling with something, don’t hesitate to be soft and ask for her advice or validation.
- Ask her what she dreamed of doing when she was 7 years old. This is a somewhat unusual question. It will show her that you’re interested in learning more about her while also giving you some fresh perspectives. [2] X Research Source
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Share your story of the day. If something particularly funny or interesting happened to you that day, let her know about it. It’s easy to overcomplain when it comes to the day’s happenings, so you need to remember that you shouldn’t just complain.
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Set up a discussion plan. Think about fun activities you can both do together during the week. If you already have a plan in place, talk about your excitement about going to a concert, or mention a review you’ve read about a play you’re about to see. This method will also get her excited, and make her feel as though she’s a valuable part of your life.
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Share your goals and aspirations. You don’t want to dominate the conversation, but no one likes to date someone who has no ambition. Tell her about some of your hopes and dreams.
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Chat. This should only be a small part of your conversation, and you need to stay away from anything too brutal or personal, but it can become an easy backup plan if you don’t know what to say. . Sometimes it’s hard for people to resist getting caught up in gossip. [3] X Research Sources
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Ask more about the story. Encouraging her to talk more about what she just mentioned is one way of showing interest. It will also enhance the benefits you get from a particular theme, saving you from having to change to a new theme right away.
Listen empathically
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Try to understand her. Empathic listening is also known as “active listening”, or “responsive listening”. It refers to a way of listening and responding just to try to understand the person you’re talking to. This is perhaps the most important communication skill you can cultivate. Not only will it make conversation with your girlfriend easy and natural, but it will also make her feel like she’s really seen and heard, increasing her trust in you. , and bring the two of you closer together. [4] X Research Sources
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Focus on her. In a healthy relationship, both partners need to have equal conversation space. Which means that sometimes, one of you needs more attention and support than the other. An empathetic listener is willing to allow the other person to dominate the conversation when they need it, without inserting their own ego.
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Sincere attention. You can’t fake this, so don’t try to pretend it is. It’s easy to get so lost in thinking about what to say that you forget to listen. This action destroys empathy. Allow her to say what she needs to, and listen without interrupting.
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Respond openly, without judgment, showing that you are listening. Often, it can be as simple as telling her, “It was really hard. I know how important your dog is to you.” It will let her know that you are listening and that you empathize with her, while still giving her space to continue sharing.
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Repeat her feelings. If she’s just told you a story about an argument with a friend, avoid saying things like, “Your friend sounds like a jerk. They don’t know how to appreciate the wonderful person I am.” This may sound supportive, but the truth is that she loves her friends, and your harsh judgment on them will affect you. You should try to respond with something like, “You seem really offended by the way they talk to you.” It will acknowledge how she is feeling without blaming or advising when she doesn’t need it.
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Encourage her to continue. Use phrases like “Tell me more,” “I want to hear more about it,” “How did it make you feel?”, or “What do you do then?” to encourage her to keep sharing.
Become supportive
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Ask about the things she mentioned earlier. This method will show her that you really care about the things she shares with you, and that you care about the things that matter to her. Try to ask questions like, “So is your boss less irritable today?”, or “Is your mom feeling better?”, or “Did you finish reading your favorite book?”. [5] X Research Sources
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Avoid offering solutions unless she asks for it. Men often see presenting their problems as a path to a solution. On the contrary, many women prefer to seek sympathy rather than practical solutions. When your girlfriend tells you about a problem she’s struggling with, your first instinct will be to offer a solution. You should avoid this. Maybe she just wanted to vent. If she needs advice, she will ask you. But right now the best assumption is that she really just wants to be understood. [6] X Research Sources[7] X Research Sources
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Prove that you understand her feelings. This may not be appropriate in all situations, but sometimes, sharing a story about a time when you experienced something similar will help you validate her experience and make her feel better. feel less alone. However, this should not be prolonged. You don’t want to overwhelm her or make the story revolve around you.
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Avoid denying her feelings. Never say something like, “You’re overreacting,” “Don’t worry too much,” “You’ll feel better tomorrow,” “It won’t be that bad,” or “There’s no excuse. I must be sad.” Whether or not you feel her emotional response is appropriate, it won’t change how she’s feeling. Don’t downplay or downplay her feelings, and don’t always demand rationality. Emotions are not rational things, and people who are frustrated are not always rational. You can expect to be treated with respect, but don’t tell her she’s being unreasonable, or suggest a more sensible course of action. After this, you will have time dedicated to it. Now, your job is to listen. [8] X Research Sources
Advice
- Expect her to care about your feelings too. You should remember that keeping the conversation going, or helping her out is not your sole responsibility. She needs to put in the same effort as you. If not, you should find a way to mention them without making accusations. Use a statement that starts with the word “you,” and focus on how you feel. Try to say, “Sometimes, I feel so pressured to maintain a conversation with you. Have you ever had this feeling?”, or “I feel like I’ve been working really hard lately to be empathetic. Do you mind if I let go of some of the troubles I’m worried about in my heart?” If she doesn’t want to talk about your concerns, maybe you should consider whether the relationship is healthy.
- Consider another method of conversation. Some people feel nervous when talking on the phone. If you feel this way too, or if you suspect she does, you should politely suggest changing your phone conversation to video chat, texting, instant messaging, or whatever. Any other vehicle is more comfortable. Make it clear that you’re not avoiding talking to her, but that you think you could communicate better with her in a different way.
- Avoid lengthy conversations. If either of you is upset or having a problem, you can chat for a while. However, in general, you should try to end the story while it is still going smoothly. Don’t wait until you’ve both run out of things to talk about and are caught in an awkward silence before you find an excuse to hang up. Remember that you still need to have something to talk about when you meet in person.
- End the conversation as smoothly as possible. Make sure you don’t want to ruin your efforts.
- Phrases like “Poor Girl” can sound a bit odd and make you sound like her parents. You should stay away from phrases that your parents often use; it feels weird.
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This article was co-written by John Keegan. John Keegan is a New York-based marriage and love expert and motivational speaker. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his knowledge of marriage and love, attraction and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and gives seminars on marriage and love internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This post has been viewed 38,028 times.
Maintaining a phone conversation with your girlfriend can be difficult, especially if you’re not used to talking on the phone for a long time. It can be difficult to figure out how to respond without visual cues like facial expressions and body language, or to think about the topic of conversation when you feel like you don’t have much to say. However, chatting with a girlfriend is not a nerve-wracking experience. In fact, with a little information and a good attitude, you’ll find yourself looking forward to it.
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