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It’s frustrating to argue with someone who thinks they’re right, isn’t it? It’s best to think about what you need out of the argument before jumping into the conversation with them. In addition, you should find ways to help the person understand what you mean by redirecting the conversation and trying to keep the peace during the argument.
Steps
Ready for the debate
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Find the root of the problem. In general, “know-it-all” people fall into one of two groups (or a combination of both). Some “know-it-all” people have a subconscious feeling of insecurity, and they will cover it up by trying to appear understanding. Others really think they know everything in the world and feel like they have to share their knowledge with others. If you understand what causes them to have such a stubborn attitude, you can handle the situation better. [1] X Research Source
- When you tell someone who lacks confidence that they’re wrong, it taps into the person’s insecurities, and they pull up their hedgehogs to defend themselves. Instead, try leading the story with questions, an effective way to deal with this group of people.
- With the second group of “know-it-all” people, it’s usually best to let them talk, then you can try to come up with a different opinion.
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Determine how much you can risk your relationship with that person. Before jumping into an argument with a self-righteous person, you need to consider what you might lose. Think about how important your relationship with that person is, and how much that argument means to you. No matter how careful you are, your relationship can be damaged by an argument. [2] X Research Source
- For example, if the “know-it-all” person is your boss, it’s probably best to let them think they’re right. That way you won’t put yourself at risk of losing your job.
- If it’s someone close to you, such as your partner or best friend, consider whether the argument is worth the risk of your relationship being damaged.
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Determine what you want from the argument. With any argument, you must set an end goal. Maybe you just want the other person to understand, or you want them to know that you’re hurt. [3] X Research Sources
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Review your argument before entering an argument. If it is a fact-based argument, you should always check the facts first. If possible, cite evidence to support your argument. Remember to seek out objective sources of information rather than just relying on sources that say what you want to hear. [4] X Research Sources
Help the other person see the other side
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Listen to what the other person has to say. Even if the person thinks they are right, they still deserve to be heard, just as you have a right to be heard. Listen to their opinions first, spend time paying attention to what they have to say. [5] X Research Sources
- To show that you’re listening, you can nod your head during the conversation and summarize what you hear, such as “So what do you mean…”
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Ask questions to understand better. The person you’re arguing with may not get straight to the point, and the questions you ask can help you understand what they’re saying and how they feel about the topic. [6] X Research Source
- Even simple questions like “Why?” or “Why do you think so?” can also help you guess what is hidden behind.
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Agree first, then provide counterarguments. To argue with a self-righteous person, you should at first agree with them, or at least pretend to understand. After you agree, you can give a counter-argument. [7] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say, “I see what you mean. Your opinion is very interesting, but I think this…”
- You can also say something like, “Thank you for helping me understand what you mean. I understand why you think so. I think it’s a little different…”
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Debate softly. If you are aggressive when giving arguments, chances are the other person will close in and stop listening. However, if you present your point of view in more moderate language, they may be more willing to listen. [8] X Research Sources
- For example, instead of saying “I’m sure I’m right,” say, “Ah, that’s how I get it…”
- Instead of saying, “This is the right judgment…”, you could say, “There may be a different perspective on the matter…”
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Take the debate out of the way. Sometimes, your overly blunt opinions will cause the other person to shrink back and stop listening, just like when you are too aggressive in an argument. In this case, it is possible that you are offering advice or solutions, but the other person is not listening to what you have to say. [9] X Research Source
- You may find that asking leading questions is a more effective way to “steer” the other person’s thoughts rather than confronting them head-on.
- For example, you could say, “Oh, what makes you think that?” instead of “I see you’re saying it wrong”.
- Instead of saying, “That’s not true at all,” you could say, “Have you ever thought…?”
Keep peace while arguing
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Don’t let the tension escalate. Any debate can easily lead to an escalation of tensions. Emotions often get in the way of arguments, and both sides can get angry. If you let your anger overwhelm you, the argument will turn into a squabble with insults thrown at each other or a loud argument. Anger escalates become more serious when you argue with a self-righteous person, because they can make you angry. However, if you want to achieve something, you have to stay calm. [10] X Research Source
- If you feel the blood rush to your head, pause for a few seconds to take a deep breath. It is even better if you suggest to pause and resume the discussion when both parties are calmer and more self-controlled.
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Don’t fold your arms. Body language during an argument says more than you think. If your gestures are not open to the discussion, the other person will not feel comfortable talking to you. [11] X Research Source
- Do not cross your arms or legs, and should turn towards the person you are talking to. Also, remember to make eye contact so the other person knows you’re listening.
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Be open to their views. People who think they’re right are sometimes right! When you enter into a debate, you must be willing to admit that you are wrong sometimes; Otherwise, the debate will fall to an impasse. [12] X Research Source
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Know when and how to retreat! Sometimes, you will find that the debate will be “win or lose”. In this case, it’s best to end the argument. However, you still need to be gentle, or the other person will continue to argue. [13] X Research Source
- You could end by saying, “I don’t think we’re going to get anywhere in arguing. Perhaps we should agree that everyone has their own opinion.”
- You could also say, “Unfortunately, we don’t seem to agree on this. Maybe we’ll discuss it later.”
Advice
- Be willing to point out falsehoods or lies. If they provide untrue “evidence” or biased information, counter it with reliable sources.
X
This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 50,392 times.
It’s frustrating to argue with someone who thinks they’re right, isn’t it? It’s best to think about what you need out of the argument before jumping into the conversation with them. In addition, you should find ways to help the person understand what you mean by redirecting the conversation and trying to keep the peace during the argument.
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