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Whether you’ve just broken up with a lover or recently divorced, separating from someone you love is never easy. Sometimes it can make you feel like you’ll never be as happy again – that that person was your only chance in the world to be loved and now they’re gone. Don’t give in to these thoughts. The truth is that with a little optimism, patience, and determination, you will always be able to get through the dark times after a love breakup.
Steps
Overcoming the breakup
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Throw away things that remind you of him/her. There will finally come a time when you can think about your ex without feeling too emotional. However, that time is not now. Now, remembering the time spent with the other person can lead to intense feelings of nostalgia, sadness, and regret. Therefore, it is advisable to get rid of the things in your life that remind you of your old relationship. If it’s items you just can’t get rid of, try putting them in a box and keeping them somewhere you won’t touch much for a while. Here are some items you might want to find:
- Ex-lover’s belongings that he/she left behind
- The gifts that person gives you
- The song or mixtape that person made for you
- Photos, paintings, or illustrations that remind you of your ex
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Avoid contact with that person. Unless you are 100% sure that you can “just be friends” with your ex (and he/she is 100% sure too), avoid seeing that person as much as possible for at least a month or two. When you must meet them, keep the conversation as brief and polite as possible. This will be difficult, but it is very important. Interactions can lead to awkward situations when both of you think about the old relationship. You might even get back together with your ex and start flirting with each other. Either way, it’s never an effective way to get over a breakup.
- For now, this should also apply to the technological connections of the two. Seriously consider “unfriending” or blocking the person on social media sites (at least for the time being). You’ll probably also want to remove the person’s phone number from your contacts to curb your urge to text them.
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Elevate your mind with physical activity. Movement is a great way to start feeling good about yourself after a difficult experience. Not only is it less expensive, but it’s also fun; Exercise has also been shown to improve mood and fight depression. [1] X Research Source Above all, if you persevere with this, you will begin to notice changes in your appearance as well as your emotions, and will also increase your confidence, and that will make you feel better. makes it easier to overcome sadness.
- Read some articles on how to exercise for more helpful tips on starting a new fitness routine.
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Rely on a support network. Being alone after a breakup is not a good idea at all. You will easily fall into negative thoughts and criticize yourself excessively. Being around close people will help you see things more clearly. Friends and family will give you good advice (which you should listen to) and they’ll always be there to comfort you and give you reassurance when you’re having a hard time. Remember that things won’t get better just because people don’t talk about it.
- If you’re not around your loved ones, take advantage of everything else you can. Calling and talking via Skype will be very helpful. You may even make new friends, but don’t rush into starting a new relationship.
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Always respect yourself. Remember that you are the most important person in your life. Keeping this in mind will make it easier for you to focus on yourself instead of the person you’ve lost. Be confident in your positive aspects and accept all your flaws; Everyone has certain shortcomings. Focus on being the best person you can be. Happiness does not come from others but from yourself.
- You might even try to think of your ex with pity. Losing you is something that person will regret once he/she realizes how precious you really are.
Move on with your life
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Accept that you once loved that person but now that’s all in the past. Love can still be completely true even if it doesn’t last forever. You can love someone deeply for a while but then that love ends. Just because an affair is over doesn’t mean it was a waste of your time. That love has worked deep within you and made you who you are. As the saying goes, it’s better to have loved and then lost than never to love once.
- A big part of this acceptance is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for not being able to continue together. Forgive the other person for wanting to leave (if you’re going to maintain a friendship with them in the future, this is crucial). Forgive the other person or yourself for the problems that led to the breakup. Both of you are just ordinary people.
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Be proactive and organized. Once you’ve taken some time to recover from a breakup, get to work quickly. See your new independence as an opportunity to focus on improving your life. Now is the time for you to achieve successes that can make you feel good about yourself and put you in a better position than before. Here are some reference examples:
- Devote yourself to your work. Accept ambitious new tasks. Take on more responsibility. Ask for a raise or promotion.
- Start a new hobby. Learn to play an instrument. Learn a new language. Start writing a story or diary.
- Explore the world. Traveling. Meet new people. Explore the wilderness (with reasonable safety precautions)
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Open your heart to new relationships. After a difficult breakup, it’s best to put off dating for a month or two to avoid the emotional problems that often come along with “alternative” relationships. However, once you have rested for a while, you can consider, talk, and fall in love with someone. This may make you feel a little sad or uncomfortable at first. This is a completely normal thing. Essentially, you are going through a process of separating from the person you used to talk to and meet regularly before. This will gradually fade over time.
- When a new person walks in, open your heart to them. Don’t worry about being so heartbroken that you can’t enjoy life right now . Even if it’s just a mild heatstroke, it’s completely possible to have feelings for someone else.
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Live in the present. No matter how badly you or the other person have made a mistake in the past, you can’t change that. What happened also happened. Accepting this can be very difficult; Some people feel extremely afraid of letting go. However, until you start thinking more about the present moment instead of spending time with someone you once loved, you won’t be able to truly move on with your life.
- This will take time, so be patient. You probably won’t be able to stop yourself from thinking about your past relationship for a while. However, as long as you focus on yourself and don’t let yourself succumb to your worries and pessimistic thoughts, you will eventually be able to start forgetting about that person.
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Towards the future. Sometimes, you think you will never be able to be as happy as before. As time goes on, this thinking will become more and more irrational. In fact, you can always look forward to a brighter future. There will always be new people to meet, new experiences to learn, and bright new days to look forward to. Your happiness is not determined by what happened in the past but by what you prepare for the future.
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Let your memories of that person fade away. Time will heal all wounds. Right after a breakup, it can feel like you can’t go a minute without thinking about how much you miss that person. Gradually, however, over the weeks and months that follow, these thoughts will become less frequent. Finally, you’ll be able to go through the day without thinking about all the annoying things about your ex. Basically, you will “forget” the sadness. When this happens, see it as an important achievement. You made it! Life is waiting for you ahead.
- This doesn’t mean you need to stop thinking about that person altogether. You can keep the memories of them in your heart. However, they shouldn’t become a hindrance in your life. They should be feelings of tenderness and nostalgia, like thoughts of someone you loved long ago.
Advice
- Don’t fall victim to the “Only Half” myth, the notion that there’s only one right person out there for you. This is completely unrealistic. Everyone has a lot of halves that are right for them. None of them are perfect; All have flaws in some way. The person who hurt you isn’t the only one for you. You’ll find the next person (and possibly the next) and fall in love with them too.
- While it may seem like “forgetting” your ex will be an effective pain reliever, you don’t have to forget everything you learned from the relationship. Whether you like it or not, that relationship is part of who you are today. Try to learn from the positives and negatives of the past relationship so that your next relationship will improve.
- If you can’t seem to start feeling better and a month or more has passed, you may be suffering from depression. Talk to your doctor or therapist; It’s completely normal to seek the help you need.
X
This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
This article has been viewed 198,738 times.
Whether you’ve just broken up with a lover or recently divorced, separating from someone you love is never easy. Sometimes it can make you feel like you’ll never be as happy again – that that person was your only chance in the world to be loved and now they’re gone. Don’t give in to these thoughts. The truth is that with a little optimism, patience, and determination, you will always be able to get through the dark times after a love breakup.
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