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This article was co-written by Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Lena Dicken is a clinical psychologist in Santa Monica, California. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transition disorders and relationship difficulties. She uses a combination of psychodynamic, cognitive behavioral, and mindfulness-based therapies. Dicken holds a bachelor’s degree in integrative medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, a master’s degree in counseling psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a doctorate in clinical psychology from the School of Professional Psychology. Chicago at Westwood. Dicken’s work has been featured in GOOP, Chalkboard Magazine, as well as countless other articles and podcasts. She is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 27,131 times.
Whether it’s due to lifestyle adjustments, conflicts, or the development of different interests, everyone has experienced a fading friendship from time to time. Perhaps you have changed your mind and want to resolve an old disagreement, or simply want to reduce the distance between you and an old friend. Fortunately, there are clear and helpful steps you can take to show your interest in reconnecting and starting the process of restoring the friendship.
Steps
Conveying hope for the restoration of friendship
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Be proactive. Don’t wait for your friend to contact you first. If you want to reconnect with them, you should take the initiative, by contacting or inviting friends over. A phone call or email is a quick, easy, and respectful way to convey your desire to talk or spend time with that person. However, you should consider your options on how to contact you.
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Communicate in the right way. Depending on the distance of both, you can choose different ways. The level of closeness in your friendship and the context in which you both become distant are important factors when thinking about how to approach an old friend. [1] X Research Source
- If you simply haven’t seen or talked to your friend for a while, you can contact them as usual. Social media messaging that you both use can be effective. Email is better because it is a reliable and secure method of communication. We also tend to check our email often.
- Mailing. If you have ever had a conflict with your friend, you should try not to rekindle old grudges. Avoid making the person feel as if they were forced to respond to you. Don’t simply call the person you’ve been at odds with; as this will make them feel uncomfortable or even more uncomfortable. A card or message will allow them time to think about how to respond.
- Avoid texting. While texting is a great way to convey information or send a quick hello, it’s not an effective way to restore a relationship. If you feel like your relationship is pretty casual and comfortable enough for you to contact by text, but you haven’t talked to the person in a while, you should give them a call. The more direct your approach, the more you will help you express your sincere desire to reconnect with the person.
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Don’t worry about the time away. Don’t feel like the friendship has ended or has become less important. Friendships change when people get married, move house, or have children. If you’re missing an old friend, chances are that person is also missing you. Her attempt to reconnect was a perfectly appropriate course of action.
- Realize the importance of the situation. If the separation is because your friend has undergone a major life change, and you have recently undergone a similar change, you will soon realize that by this time you both share the same interests. have more similarities than ever! [2] X Research Source
- Don’t keep waiting! The more time you spend missing your old friend without taking action, the more distant you will become. You need to remember that it is normal not to talk to someone for a period of time. In fact, you may be able to make their day better by letting them know you’re thinking about them and want to heal them.
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Be patient, but don’t be too eager. If the person doesn’t respond, or does so with hesitation, you should try to express your hope for healing. However, do not be hasty. You should pause for a period of time between communications. If they simply don’t respond, you should accept the fact that they are not ready or willing to rekindle your friendship in the near future. [3] X Research Sources
Meeting old friends after being apart
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Maintain brevity for the first meeting. You should know that the present is not the same as the past. Maybe your friend has changed dramatically. Don’t expect them to remain as friends as they used to be when they were no longer close to each other.
- Imposing expectations on someone will affect how you feel towards them, which is unfair and will form an unwarranted expectation of the possibility of a friendship being restored.
- You should meet up for coffee or lunch instead of going out for dinner. This will allow the two to interact in a more casual way without having too many assumptions or expectations about the encounter. [4] X Research Sources
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Sorry. If you need to apologize for something, you should do it as soon as possible. Remember to be absolutely honest. You need to understand that your friend may still be experiencing negative emotions about what happened to both of you, and this can even happen to you when you see that person again.
- If you are the one to blame for taking an action that led to a conflict, even partially, you should admit the mistake.
- Tell your friend that you’re willing to let things go and talk about what happened if they want to. [5] X Research Sources
- You could say, “Nam, I’m so sorry about the argument the other day. Would you like to have a drink with me and chat someday?”
- Or “Chi, you know, I felt so bad about how I behaved that day. I’m so sorry. I’d be happy if we both could meet someday if you’d like.” .
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Listen and respect. You must remember to maintain respect when interacting with others, and especially when interacting with friends. One of the surest ways to show respect to others is through attentive listening during a conversation. In order to be able to understand the other person’s feelings or thoughts, you should consider their point of view. [6] X Research Source
- Practice active listening. In particular, during meaningful conversations, you should remember to follow this advice to be able to listen attentively: [7] X Research Source
- Summarize what the other person says when you are not sure.
- Encourage your friend to continue expressing through short phrases like “And then what?” or “Really!?”
- Use statements that begin with the subject “I” when responding. Repeat everything the person is saying, starting with “I feel like…”
- If you don’t understand something, you should ask questions about it.
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Bring back happy memories. Regardless of the range of your friendship, you will surely have a positive memory from an experience you both shared in the past. You should recall a few happy moments you and the other person had, especially memories that could make both of you laugh.
- By recalling your happy memories, your friend is likely to recall similar memories of theirs, and the two of you will remember the friendship more than if you each remembered them independently.
- If it’s not possible to revive the excitement of spending time together, it will at least help restore the positive feelings you both have for each other.
Reconsider your friendship after reconnecting
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Forgive. You should keep in mind that this step will follow the apology process. Not only do you need to forgive the person you hope to continue your relationship with, you also need to forgive them even if they don’t apologize. If you and that person can’t completely solve a problem, you can still have a close friendship.
- You need to know that in any friendship, both parties have the opportunity to learn and grow. Mutual respect will help you both find positivity in the relationship you both already have and are trying to develop. [8] X Research Sources
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Follow the plan. If you really want to meet each other, you should act quickly by establishing a concrete plan. Talk to each other about your free time next week and at least set a date and time to meet.
- If you’re not available on your date as you had hoped, you should find a way to compromise. Avoid rescheduled appointments if possible; Instead of going to lunch, you can go out for coffee together. If you cannot be present, you will need to re-establish other specific plans. [9] X Research Source
- If that person asks you out, don’t hesitate! Nothing can quickly end a friendship than the act of repeatedly turning down the opportunity to spend time together.
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Allow your friend to have his or her own space. It is important to understand that when a friendship has been repaired, especially after a long period of time, the feeling you receive will not be the same as before. [10] X Research Sources Even if it’s hard for both of you to talk about your lives, you can still cherish each other’s friendships – maybe you just have to accept the fact that you won’t be able to meet each other. remove your friends as much as you want.
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Consider whether you can restore the friendship. Your hopes or expectations for reconnecting with a certain friend may be different from theirs, even if they are willing to meet you. If you’ve met each other, but the restoration of the friendship seems unlikely, you should try to leave the message that you both still respect each other enough to continue communicating in the future. For now, you shouldn’t allow yourself to become stressed over a situation that is beyond your control. [11] X Research Source
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Remember that not all friendships are created equal. Just like not all friendships will always remain the same. So friendship can never be perfect. More importantly, the context of person-to-person relationships will change dramatically.
- Don’t resent your friends when they change. You should accept them for who they are, similar to how you accepted them when you were both closer. [12] X Research Source
- Understand the difference between different types of friendship. In life, you will form relationships from the level of social acquaintance, casual friendship, to close friendship. You should spend time and effort cultivating a relationship with someone who values your time, respects your perspective, and encourages you to grow at the pace you choose. [13] X Research Source
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This article was co-written by Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Lena Dicken is a clinical psychologist in Santa Monica, California. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transition disorders and relationship difficulties. She uses a combination of psychodynamic, cognitive behavioral, and mindfulness-based therapies. Dicken holds a bachelor’s degree in integrative medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, a master’s degree in counseling psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a doctorate in clinical psychology from the School of Professional Psychology. Chicago at Westwood. Dicken’s work has been featured in GOOP, Chalkboard Magazine, as well as countless other articles and podcasts. She is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 27,131 times.
Whether it’s due to lifestyle adjustments, conflicts, or the development of different interests, everyone has experienced a fading friendship from time to time. Perhaps you have changed your mind and want to resolve an old disagreement, or simply want to reduce the distance between you and an old friend. Fortunately, there are clear and helpful steps you can take to show your interest in reconnecting and starting the process of restoring the friendship.
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