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This article was co-written by Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a psychologist working for a private company in San Jose, CA. He specializes in helping successful but troubled people in love and marriage, reduce stress and anxiety, and help them be happier in life. In 2016, he gave a TED talk on men and men’s feelings. He is the co-founder of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook’s headquarters, and currently advises Digital Ocean to support their Safety Team. He received his doctorate in clinical psychology in 2008.
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Stress is something that each of us has to deal with from time to time. Whether arising from work, family life, friendships, romantic relationships or financial problems, stress is always present. Maybe a little bit of pressure is good for you because it makes you physically and mentally mature, but too much and constant pressure is harmful. Prolonged stress can lead to headaches or other health problems, limiting your performance at work, school, and relationships. [1] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source Don’t let stress take over your life. Try some stress management methods to prevent and treat it before it destroys your health.
Steps
Change Stressful Thoughts
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Understand that stress begins with our perceptions. Your body has a quick reaction to dangerous situations, stimulating the “fight or flight” reflex, and so you can jump out of the head of an oncoming car and escape death. [2] X Trusted Source Harvard Medical Schop Go to the source This response makes your heart beat, pulse quick, and muscles tense. However, you may also unconsciously sense that this response is necessary even in situations that are not life-threatening, such as traffic jams, approaching deadlines, or family problems. [3] X Trusted Source Harvard Medical Schop Go to the source You should learn to cope with your body’s stress response so that it can “brake” in time and allow yourself to relax. [4] X Harvard Medical Schop Trusted Source Go to Source
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Identify what thought patterns lead to stress. You may be experiencing negative and unhelpful thoughts that lead to anxiety, and this stimulates your body to release stress hormones. [5] X Trusted Source Harvard Medical Schop Go to Source This is the correct response if you are in a dangerous situation, such as a bear in your path, but it is not appropriate in a traffic jam that makes you late to work. Identify common pressure thoughts by noticing if they fall into one of the following categories: [6] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- “Should” or “must” statements : You have a strict list of things you “should,” “must,” or “shouldn’t” do. You feel very stressed or anxious if you don’t follow that rule. [7] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
- Dramaticization : You wait for the worst-case scenario or often “make it big”. Even small things become “terrible” or “disaster”. [8] X Research Sources
- All-or-nothing mindset : You perceive things as black or white, good or bad. Instead of perceiving the complexity (aka “gray areas”) of people, you assume there is only right or wrong and no neutrality. [9] X Research Source
- Make a “what if” hypothesis : You feel in your heart there are questions and answers about things that scare you, for example, “What if my child gets hurt?”, “What if I fail?” , “What if I’m late?” and things like that. [10] X Research Source
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Change your thoughts. Sometimes whether or not a situation is stressful is just your perception. Pessimism is a prime example of the avoidable pressure we force ourselves to experience. Instead of focusing on the negatives and worrying issues, focus on the positives. [11] X Research Source[12] X Research Source
- Negative thoughts lead to a bad mood, and positive thoughts lift us up. When you feel depressed, focus on your thoughts. What are you saying to yourself? Try to turn negative thoughts into positive ones.
- For example, you might think, “I never get everything done.” Change that mindset by turning it around: “If I work at a steady pace and rest in moderation, I can get this done in ….hours.”
- By changing your mindset, you can change your stress levels. Do your best to see things in a positive light and avoid skepticism at all costs.
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Challenge negative thoughts. Another way to combat negative thoughts is to ask yourself if there is any truth in them. Arguing and refuting your thoughts can help you evaluate them objectively rather than immediately accepting them as fact. [13] X Research Source
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Try writing out two-way information about the issue that is affecting you. Set aside one column for arguments supporting the pressures and another column for counterarguments. [14] X Research Source If you don’t have time or paper, try to do this in your head.
- Write the arguments in the appropriate column. If you’re taking things too seriously because you’re late for work (and you think “I’m going to get fired”), your “support” column might say: “I was late twice last week and this time they will not forgive me anymore”; then the “criticism” column might read: “My boss said he knew he had to take his kids to kindergarten before going to work”, “The company’s regulations on time and days off allow me to be late.” some times, and I haven’t reached it yet,” and the like.
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Write diary. Although journaling may seem strange and tedious, by regularly recording your thoughts, you can get rid of stress. When you feel bogged down by emotional or emotional pressures, write it down in your journal. Putting pen to paper will give you a sense of relief. [15] X Research Source
- Write honestly and courageously. Diary is just for you. Other than you, no one else should read and know what’s causing you stress. It is a safe and non-judgmental place to release all your worries, emotions, thoughts and feelings. [16] X Research Sources Once written down, those thoughts will no longer occupy your mind.
- Journaling can help you see more clearly and see what’s causing your stress.
- Write down your problems to organize your thoughts. When not organized properly, your thoughts will lack clarity, leading to confusion and stress. If faced with a problem and are hesitating between two solutions, make two columns, one for and one against. You can split the paper in half to compare the two ways of handling the situation.
Avoid Unnecessary Stress
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Accept that stress is inevitable. You can gradually reduce stress and learn to deal with it, but you won’t be able to get rid of stress completely. [17] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Going to the Source Stress is a healthy response to overwhelming stimuli or perceived threats, and it can be handled in such a way that It’s also healthy. [18] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Stressors can be unavoidable, including things like school or exams, a busy day at work, a new baby, marriage or moving. While many events are “good things,” they can still be a source of stress in your life.
- Implementing healthy methods of stress management can help you “turn off” your stress alarm system, leaving you in a constant state of stress as you move on with your life. [19] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Avoid stress whenever possible. This is too obvious, isn’t it? Sometimes staying away from a source of stress is more difficult than you think. If you know which person or activity is a source of stress, cut off that person or eliminate the activity from your life, or limit your exposure to a minimum. There are at least seven culprits that cause unnecessary pressure; Please take precautions not to become a victim of the following: [20] X Research Sources
- Stress about the amount of money you have spent (e.g. shopping too much, lending money to relatives and friends, etc.)
- Stir fry at home or at the office
- Feeling pessimistic
- Late
- Spending too much time comparing your life to others on social media
- Wait until the last minute to complete a task
- Reflecting on past events
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Better organized. Often, stress comes from feeling overwhelmed. Ask a planner to keep track of your “to-do list”. Clear your desk and head to Pinterest to find effective ways to manage paperwork and housework. Being organized and prioritizing can help you break down responsibilities into manageable chunks and focus on the things that really matter to you. [21] X Research Source
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Learn to say “no”. You can’t do everything everyone asks, so why pretend like you can? In fact, the more you promise and don’t deliver, the less people will trust you. Instead, be firm and practice saying no politely, but firmly. Check your schedule to see when you don’t have the time or resources to take on extra responsibilities.
- Assertive people maintain eye contact, voice clear and calm when defending themselves. If you know you’ve been overwhelmed, say so. Saying “no” is acceptable if you respectfully decline.
- Some people are always afraid of missing out on new and exciting opportunities. But in the end, they don’t perform as expected because their energy has been scattered into too many different jobs or activities. Weigh the pros and cons of new assignments and decide if it’s worth the effort, while considering your current workload. [22] X Research Source
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Assignment set. Just like trying to do it all yourself, never giving up on anyone shows that you’re trying to control and don’t believe others can do the task as well as you. Practice letting go of this attitude by trusting in the abilities of others. In theory, letting go of responsibilities may seem stressful, but it will free you up and give you more time to yourself. Find trustworthy people in your life and give them tasks that you can’t handle because of stress and anxiety. [23] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source[24] X Research Source
Changing the Environment
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Clean up a bit. Even the most mentally strong will get bored in a cluttered environment. If your home, office, car, or workspace is dirty or cluttered, it’s bound to have a negative impact on your mood. Take a few minutes to clear out the cluttered areas, and your mind will breathe a sigh of relief. Here are some tips to help you clean up: [25] X Research Source
- Get rid of unused and useless items instead of hoarding them.
- Get everyone (spouse, family member or roommate) and clean together. Work will be faster and more fun if many people work together.
- Sort papers and correspondence for throw away or rearrange as needed.
- Choose a place to store frequently used items so they can be easily retrieved when needed.
- Clean up the workplace after each work session to avoid uncontrolled clutter.
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Take a few minutes to prepare. You will find it difficult to get ready for a new day if you don’t take the time to prepare yourself. Take a few minutes each morning to acknowledge the events of the day. Shower a little longer, put on your favorite outfit and go into the day ready for anything.
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Listening to music. Music has been shown to have a powerful effect on mood and emotions. Soothe yourself by listening to your favorite soothing music. You may prefer “heavy” music or rap music, but try listening to music that is softer and slower for the best effect. Playing background music when you work, study or in daily activities is a great way to reduce your stress levels unconsciously.
- Researchers have found that music can change brain function in similar ways to drugs. Therefore, regularly listening to music can help you “cure” stress and anxiety. [26] X Research Sources
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Try aromatherapy. Scent can really change your stress levels. Scientific studies have linked orange and lavender scents with reduced levels of stress and nervousness. [27] X Source of Study Use a lavender deodorizer in your home, office, or car, or spray a little essential oil on your skin and hair in the morning before you leave the house. You can also dab the essential oil on your temples to treat stress headaches. [28] X Research Sources
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Change the environment. If small changes aren’t enough to cheer you up, try moving to a completely new place. If you don’t feel comfortable working or studying at home or in the office, move to a cozy coffee shop or to a park. When you’re in a new environment, you’ll be able to direct your thoughts away from your stressors, giving you a chance to breathe and regain your composure. [29] X Research Sources
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Chat with new people. Maybe the people you talk to are the stressors. You don’t need to completely cut them out of your life, but try meeting some other people. They may offer a new perspective on things that you haven’t even thought of, or invite you to participate in new activities to relieve stress. [30] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
Try Relaxing Activities
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Shower in the bathtub. Some people like to bathe in the bathtub, others like to take a shower. No matter what kind of bath you prefer, it’s hard to say no to a pleasant warm bubble bath with a mug of warm beverage and a good book. If you’re stressed, try a short soak in the tub. The warmth will help relax the muscles and take away the pressure.
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Keep your own preferences. When you’re stressed and nervous, it’s easy to put your hobbies aside and focus on “priorities.” However, by depriving you of free time, you may be making yourself even more stressed. Return to your forgotten pastime by playing your favorite sport, picking up an art magazine or going out for a picnic. When you spend time doing something you enjoy, you’ll feel refreshed and stronger to deal with stress. [31] X Research Source
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Test a new activity. If you don’t want to continue a previous hobby or have never had a hobby, try a new activity that interests you. It’s never too late to learn a new craft. Try taking an audition class at a community college or other classes where you live. But it’s better to learn something new yourself like a new language or craft and practice to improve. Getting used to a new activity forces your mind to stray away from your stressors, making it easier to relax.
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Go outdoors. Sunshine is a natural remedy for depression, a condition closely related to stress and anxiety. [32] X Research Source Even if there’s no sun for you to enjoy, mother nature still gives you great comfort through outdoor activities. Go for a walk in the park, go to the mountains, go fishing – do whatever you like. You will hardly be stressed when admiring the beauty of nature while forcing your body to work. [33] X Research Sources
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Smile. As the saying goes, a smile is equal to ten tonic scales. Laughing when you’re stressed and anxious can seem like a difficult task, but laughter can make a big difference in your life. Turn on the TV, watch your favorite comedy, find funny YouTube videos, or be with a funny friend. Smiling and laughing out loud causes the brain to release stress hormones and you will feel happier quickly. [34] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Drink a cup of tea. There is evidence that tea drinkers experience less stress in the long run than non-tea drinkers, and this activity makes for an excellent stress reliever. Black tea is best, but any tea will work. A warm cup of tea in your hand can help you relax, and the taste of the tea will be an interesting thing that grabs your attention.
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Massage. Massage therapy is not only good for the body, but it actually causes the brain to release hormones that make you feel good. Next time you feel stressed, schedule an appointment with your favorite masseuse. When the tension in the muscles dissipates, your mind is also soothed. Aren’t you feeling better yet? Ask a loved one to give you a massage. Bonding with your lover or partner during a massage will help you release more hormones and relieve stress. [35] X Research Source
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Practice yoga regularly. Practice any type of yoga to relieve stress. You can try Hatha yoga, which is a type of yoga that combines stretching, breathing and meditation. It will calm your stressed mind, refresh your thoughts, tone your muscles, and bring you new knowledge you never knew existed. [36] X Research Source
- You can prolong the effects of yoga if you practice more often. Early morning is the best time, but you can practice yoga whenever you feel stressed. If you need to be on time, you can combine yoga with your regular exercise schedule as a way to warm up and relax before and after practice.
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Guided meditation practice. Meditation has been shown to significantly reduce stress. Various types of meditation can help you de-stress and calm your mind for better focus and more coherent thinking. You can practice meditations like Zen, Tibetan, Transcendental Meditation (TM), no matter what religion you belong to. [37] X Research Source
- If you are a beginner in meditation, it is best to take a course with an instructor. There are many books and tapes or meditation guides that you can choose from.
Choose an Anti-Stress Lifestyle
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Healthy eating. It is not surprising to know that reducing stress is one of the benefits of the pyramid. Don’t let unhealthy foods and sweets pull your stress hormones up. Instead, include fruits, vegetables, and healthy grains in your daily diet, and your body will compensate by releasing more stress hormones. [38] X Research Source
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Daily exercise. “Running addiction” is not just a phenomenon peculiar to runners. Physical activity helps release endorphins that make you feel happy. That means, when you’re stressed, you can cheer yourself up and let go of your worries by making your heart beat faster. Cycling, swimming, weight training, or playing your favorite sport can help keep you physically and mentally healthy. [39] X Research Sources
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Pay attention to sleep. When people are stressed and overwhelmed with billions of things to do, the first thing they sacrifice is sleep. However this is one of your biggest mistakes. Getting enough sleep will help your body regain strength and look refreshed the next morning. [40] X Research Source
- If you don’t get enough sleep, your body can’t get rid of excess hormones and accumulated toxins, which will cause stress, and so on, it becomes a vicious cycle that never ends. Try to get 7-9 hours of sleep every night.
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Hug more often. If you’re in a good relationship, you should approach your partner with physical touch. Studies show that gestures like caressing, kissing, and sex all release oxytocin, a hormone that boosts your mood and reduces stress. [41] X Research Source Yes – some favorite activities actually improve mental health. You should do this every day to raise hormone levels, thereby reducing the risk of stress in the first place.
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Participate in spiritual activities. One of the most common reasons people engage in religious activities is looking for a place to relieve stress and anxiety. If you’re already a member of a religious group, try to go there more whenever you feel pressure to relax. Perhaps you will find relief with the help of your religious community, and at the same time you will grow stronger spiritually. [42] X Research Source
- If you’re under constant pressure, consider joining a religious group for the comfort and inner guidance it can provide.
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Maintain good relationships. You will be very stressed if you surround yourself with unhealthy and interdependent people. Instead of staying in relationships with people who bother or worry you, start cultivating relationships that give you support and a greater sense of well-being. Finding and keeping happy and healthy friendships will make you happier in the long run, even if it’s hard to do in the short term.
Advice
- Note that not all stress-relieving activities work for everyone. You should experiment with different methods to find the one that works for you.
- Think about the positives in your life and the special moments that happen every day.
- Read a good book when you feel stressed.
- Drink caffeine-free tea, as caffeine will make it harder to cope with stress. Drink decaffeinated varieties.
Warning
- Contact a therapist if you are experiencing emotional pain as well as physical pain. A therapist with specialized training in problem-solving, who can use their knowledge and understanding of psychology to identify problems that you don’t know about.
- If you feel suicidal or hurt yourself, get help right away! Call the suicide prevention hotline or the mental health hotline of your local hospital. If you don’t know where to call, the local police department will help you.
- Your doctor may prescribe medication to help manage anxiety and depression.
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This article was co-written by Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a psychologist working for a private company in San Jose, CA. He specializes in helping successful but troubled people in love and marriage, reduce stress and anxiety, and help them be happier in life. In 2016, he gave a TED talk on men and men’s feelings. He is the co-founder of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook’s headquarters, and currently advises Digital Ocean to support their Safety Team. He received his doctorate in clinical psychology in 2008.
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Stress is something that each of us has to deal with from time to time. Whether arising from work, family life, friendships, romantic relationships or financial problems, stress is always present. Maybe a little bit of pressure is good for you because it makes you physically and mentally mature, but too much and constant pressure is harmful. Prolonged stress can lead to headaches or other health problems, limiting your performance at work, school, and relationships. [1] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source Don’t let stress take over your life. Try some stress management methods to prevent and treat it before it destroys your health.
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