How to Identify Lesbians

Admit that you have a sexual orientation. People often want to avoid or overcompensate for sexual desire, so feeling scared and overwhelmed is normal. For things to work out, you have to be honest and not afraid to get hurt. Only when you stop suppressing sexual orientations and admit they exist can you come to terms with yourself. ^[8]

• Sexual orientation exists on a continuum, it is variable but not fixed. Your sexual orientation may not fit standard definitions, and that’s completely normal. This condition is also particularly common. ^[9]
  • Bisexuals may not be equally attracted to both sexes. They may prefer men to women or vice versa.
  • Women who consider themselves gay also sometimes find men attractive.

Self-love. On the road to self-acceptance, acknowledging being a lesbian is the first step in that process. You often cannot accept yourself after a few days. Once you get used to your sexual orientation, you’ll find it doesn’t represent who you are. Let go of guilt and try to appreciate your life. ^[10]

Practice saying positive words to yourself. If you grew up in a very conservative family or in a repressive community, your gender identity may conflict with the moral or religious standards that have been instilled in you since childhood. Intentionally changing language and thinking is a very effective method of shifting your perception of what is right or wrong. Stop telling yourself you don’t deserve to be loved and happy, and believe in your worth as a person. Instead of telling yourself that being gay is a sin, you should acknowledge that sexual orientation is natural, healthy, and acceptable.

• Identify negative self-talk. Are you telling any bad lies about yourself? Does the thought arise in certain situations, like when talking to a family member?
• Replace this negative expression with an upbeat statement that you come up with. When you catch yourself thinking, “I don’t deserve it” or “I don’t deserve to be happy,” take a deep breath, smile, and tell yourself that you are “very precious, lovable, and worth living a life of. happy!”

Determine whether to come out as gay. Determining when to go public is always a painful decision with potential consequences. Before going public with family, friends, and colleagues, you must determine if it is safe to do so. ^[11]

• See your doctor or counselor to come up with theories about how parents and friends will react. Consider how parents and friends treat homosexuals. Think about how they react to this difficult news. ^[12]
  • If your parents or friends are often openly anti-gay, you should be cautious. ^[13]

Understand that your process of self-acceptance affects others. While the journey to finding and accepting your sexual orientation is completely personal, you also need to acknowledge that it will impact your relationships with others. Going out with friends, family and colleagues is a very stressful decision. You don’t have to be open to everyone you know. ^[14] When you feel comfortable and confident, you can first bring up the issue with people you feel comfortable with. Be prepared to receive both negative feedback and positive words of encouragement. ^[15]

Meet with a consultant. The process of understanding gender identity and self-acceptance is long and complex. Dealing with social scandal takes a toll on you both mentally and emotionally. See a therapist who has experience in counseling LGBT people (gay, bisexual and transgender) to help you through this phase. They can help you accept your sexual orientation and support you through coming out with family and friends.

Be clear about yourself and live your life. Society often paints a typical image of lesbians, but the reality is that the women in this community are diverse with many different backgrounds. As you learn about the lesbian community, you should try to learn everything there is to know about your new community. Over time you will discover where you fit in. You will define yourself as a lesbian and live a life according to that perspective. ^[16]

Educate yourself about the LGBT community. You will understand better when you equip yourself with background knowledge about the LGBT community – its past, present and future. You become aware of potential obstacles and understand how to overcome them.

• Learn to distinguish between biological sex and social sex, familiarize yourself with different sexual orientations.
• Read academic papers on the subject of the LGBT community.
• Update news about the LGBT community.

Find the support of many people around. There is no worse pain than isolation. On the road to self-acceptance, you must have a trusted friend or support group ready to accept you. These people will give you advice and comfort when the road gets tough.

• Talk to friends and family you can trust.
• Join a local support group or become a member of an online support community. ^[17]
• Join a church or temple that acknowledges the LGBT community, so you can interact with people who share your religious values.
  • gaychurch.org provides a list of Catholic churches that acknowledge gay, bisexual, and transgender people.
  • You can also search the internet for a list of such churches or temples in your area.

Formation of the Gay-Heterosexual Alliance. These Alliances provide a safe place for high school or high school students to freely discuss and explore about their sexual orientation and gender identity. The union also provides young people with a social support network. If your school does not already have such an alliance, you can ask the principal to start a club. ^[18]