How to Face Betrayal from Friends

One of the downsides of friendship is the possibility of being betrayed or deceived by a friend. Being betrayed by a friend is the worst thing in the world, especially when it’s someone you often turn to to share your happiness. When faced with betrayal by a friend, you have to really pay attention to your feelings and look at the state of your current relationship and decide how to handle it. Learn to care about your hurt feelings and how to deal with an unfaithful friend.

Table of Contents

Facing the hurt

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Acknowledge the pain of betrayal. You will feel hurt when someone betrays you or finds out that the person who was close to you is no longer the same as before. It’s completely normal to feel sad and there’s no need to hide your hurt feelings. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Acknowledge the pain by affirming it. Name the feeling you are having and control your response. For example, “I feel frustrated because I put my trust in the wrong place”.
While acknowledging your feelings, remember that you are the only one in control of your reaction to the betrayal. In some cases, this person may behave towards you in a certain way in the hope that you will react. It’s better to stay calm and acknowledge your feelings, rather than react strongly during that time.

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Take time to reflect. Similar to the benefits that romantic relationships have when they break up, friendships also need a pause. Use this time of separation to think about important choices like how to confront your friend or end the friendship. You will find yourself calmer after a few days or during that time you feel happier without that friend around.

You can also use this time to consider opening up to new, kinder people. Take the time to meet a few acquaintances, classmates, or colleagues. Do you find yourself preferring to be around these people over other friends? Do you recognize their good qualities that other friends do not have?
Another way to reflect is to write down your feelings. Writing down your experiences, thoughts, and feelings related to betrayal can make you more comfortable and stronger. ^{[2] X Research Source} You might even be able to devise a plan to deal with the consequences of that betrayal.

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Take care of yourself often. Before you can even think about rebuilding trust with your friends, you need to learn to love yourself. We often hide our feelings to avoid feeling bad or to avoid making others feel bad for their unkind actions towards us. Denying attention to your own needs won’t help you have a healthy, long-term relationship. ^{[3] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

Forgive yourself for investing in this friendship and for any feelings that arise when you discover the betrayal. When others take something from you or do something wrong behind your back, it’s easy to become defensive because you don’t want others to continue to take advantage of you.
Be kind to yourself during this time. Do something you enjoy – like watching your entire favorite TV show, getting a manicure, or spending time with family.

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Become a tolerant person. Don’t hatch a plan of revenge or hold a grudge. Try to forgive the person who misbehaves with you, To do so, you should let go of the anger. You may feel it’s too easy for the person when you let go of the anger and act normal. The truth is not so. Holding your anger inside is the first cause of your hurt. In some cases, the person who made you angry doesn’t even remember what they did. You will be energized by being a more tolerant person and not acting with a vengeance. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Remember that you cannot control what others think and say about you. Being angry and irritable won’t keep you in control. So, if your actions are not in line with your character or ideology, you will feel shame or guilt for behaving against your self-worth.
For example, if a friend or classmate is spreading rumors about you, don’t take the same action as them to avoid making the situation worse. Instead, you just need to stay calm and show no will for revenge to handle the situation.
The expression “let it be poisoned” is really not true in this situation. You usually use water or something suitable to put out the fire. No one puts out a fire by adding fuel to it; so don’t add negative attention or action to what’s going on to avoid tearing things up.

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Choose to be around family and friends who have a cheerful personality and care about you. After being betrayed, there is nothing more comforting than being around positive people who ask for nothing of you but only want the best for you. Not only will this help you deal with and deal with betrayal, but it will also reaffirm your worth and that of a friend. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

For example, if a friend lets you down, remember to appreciate other sincere friends as well. Let these friends know you appreciate them.

Relationship Rating

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Friendship rating. When you are betrayed by a close friend, your personal life, social relationships or career may also be affected. Depending on the impact of the rumor or betrayal, you must decide whether to ignore it or face the issue. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

If it’s a minor issue involving a casual friend, you’re probably better off ignoring that friend. Conversely, if your job is at risk or the words are no longer a small rumor that is quickly forgotten, you will need to take some steps to keep the situation from getting worse.
Are people talking about it? Is it legal or not? How many people already know this problem? These questions can help you uncover the impact of the problem.
Talking to a neutral party to figure out how to solve the problem is also a useful option. The most important thing is that you have to trust your own judgment in handling the problem, but listening to advice from others is completely beneficial for you.

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Resist negative influences. If the person who betrayed you spreads rumors or talks bad about you to others, do everything you can to erase the negative view others have of you. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

You can defend yourself or meet a few people and explain the truth of the story, such as saying “Those rumors are not true…”. Note, however, that there is a chance that people may not want to listen to your explanations.
Talking less and doing more can help you repair your reputation faster. Instead of wasting time trying to explain in vain, you should use positive actions to prove to those around you that the rumor is completely untrue. If someone says you’re cheating, you’ll try to do everything transparently to quell the rumor.

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Decide whether to confront the friend. Sometimes you’ll have to speak up, but there are times when you just have to let things go their way. Use how you feel about the friend and the situation to determine how to react. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Think about the positive and negative consequences of confronting the person who hurt you. If you choose to end the friendship, you will no longer have the opportunity to listen to your friend’s explanation and clear up unnecessary misunderstandings. Also, you won’t get a chance to speak your mind. However, if you choose to meet in person, your friend may verbally insult or quarrel with you, leading to more hurtful feelings.
If that friend treats you in a way that’s completely different from who they really are, it might be time to empathize and let things go. If you know that your friend is going through a difficult time and has perhaps betrayed you in despair, you really need to act like that.
If you decide to confront the problem, you can say, “I heard you told your boss that I cheated on that project. I was really hurt when I heard the story. I did everything transparently. Why do you say that?”

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Decide if you want to restore that friendship. This process involves a balance between the amount of value you place on the relationship and the facts that are going on. You need to revisit this friendship and decide if it’s worth the effort. If the friend is not too close, you can easily abandon the friendship. However, if you value this friendship, find a way to handle the matter constructively but firmly. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Even though this is a friendship that is truly precious to you, some unforgivable actions lead to irreparable friendship. Before you decide to tackle the problem, you have to be really sure the friend is involved. Gather evidence to support your search before deciding to end the friendship. For example, if there is a rumor that your best friend is flirting with your lover, you need to be 100% sure that it is true before committing a crime.

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Heal your friendship if you want to. Suggest ways your friend can demonstrate your sincerity. Calmly consider what caused your friend to betray you. Is your coworker jealous of your accomplishments so she lies about your efforts at work? Take this as a compliment and give your friend a chance to understand and acknowledge your efforts. ^{[10] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}^{[11] X Research Source}

Let the friend know you don’t take forgiveness lightly. You can say, “I forgive you and want to let this go. However, I also want to say that you really hurt me a lot and I will end our friendship if that happens again.”
Set clear boundaries with that friend so they understand why you let things go. That friend should know that you value true friendship so much that betrayal won’t happen again. For example, for a work project, you’ll use a new work breakdown system so that each team member has his or her own share of the work. If the problem occurs at home, you should change the comfort level that the friend can do at home so that the bad thing before does not happen again.

Learn a lesson for yourself

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Focus on your manners. Try to be a good friend to bond with more loyal friends. Look at the beautiful friendships you’ve made and learn from them. Learn how to make yourself better so that you don’t get caught up in the negatives at work or at home. Let go of unhealthy relationships. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Don’t get caught up in a vicious cycle that causes you to do negative things because others do the same. You won’t find trustworthy friends if they can’t trust you. When you say you will do something, remember to keep your faith. If you’ve made a plan with others, remember to complete it with them. Small things can go a long way in building trust.

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Consider the type of friends you usually make. The only thing you can really control is yourself. You have to decide how to react to certain people and who is allowed into your life. You don’t have to stay friends or even be friendly with someone just because you’ve been friends with them since childhood or work at the same company. ^{[13] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

If you find it difficult to trust your co-workers because of the rivalry at work, you should be clear about bringing work home. You don’t have to make friends or socialize with colleagues if it causes problems at work.
This can also apply to friendship in other contexts. Are those friends a positive influence on you? Are they taking advantage of you? Review your existing friendships and the problems you face. Perhaps it’s best to review your existing friendships to see if you’re making wise and healthy choices when it comes to making friends.

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Don’t compromise your personal values for the sake of friendship. For example, hiding about yourself or your family to keep friends. You’ll find your friends behave differently in some situations, and you can’t always rely on a few friends for sincerity. If you lose a friendship just because you have to focus on family, that friendship is not healthy from the start. ^{[14] X Research Source}

This includes ignoring some of your friends’ actions in the name of friendship. You have the right to voice your opinion. Besides, you shouldn’t pressure yourself into pretending you don’t see your friend’s wrongdoing or illegality.

Steps

Facing the hurt

Relationship Rating

Learn a lesson for yourself

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