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This article was co-written by Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC. Deb Schneider is a clinical social worker at a private enterprise in Oakland, CA and a manager for the Weiland Health Initiative at Stanford University. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in creating safe spaces that respect the identities of disadvantaged communities, at the high school and college levels. Deb holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology and women’s studies from Clark University and a master’s degree in social work with a medical major from the University of California’s Berkeley School of Social Welfare.
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If you are bisexual or lesbian and you are eyeing a certain girl, here are some tips. Before we begin, note that the term “bisexual” can be understood in many different ways. Some bisexuals define bisexuality as liking both men and women, others define bisexuality as liking both gender-dualistic and non-binary people. So you need to find out what their gender definition is to avoid offending them.
- If you are straight (heterosexual) then don’t force yourself to like someone of the same sex as you! You can try, but this is not possible because you cannot decide which gender you are attracted to. If you already have your eye on a girl, skip this step.
- Unless she’s your best friend, if you’ve just met her, get to know her better and try to be her best friend.
- If you’re really close to her, you can ask her if she’s bisexual or lesbian. Don’t do this if you think she doesn’t trust you enough. However, after gaining her trust then ask this question. To gain her trust you need to share a secret, maybe not the biggest one, but something you feel comfortable telling her. Don’t take it too seriously, just ask her casually.
- Dating is an integral part of romantic relationships! If you feel like she’s like your lover now, ask her out on a random date every now and then like “let’s go for coffee” or take her out to the sport. First find out what she likes and then arrange dates to suit her interests.
- Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, etc. Send her a friend request/follow her on a social networking site, you will be able to get to know her better this way.
Advice
- If you’re not interested in women, don’t force yourself.
- Understanding the different genders:
- Straight gender (heterosexual) – likes people of the opposite sex.
- Gay man – likes people of the same sex
- Bisexuality – liking more than one sex
- Asexual – not sexually attracted to any gender (although there may be a romantic attraction)
- Omnisexual – attracted to all genders/no matter what gender.
- Be beautiful by taking care of your skin, taking care of your teeth, bathing, doing cute hair and makeup (if you like natural beauty, you can leave your face bare, only makeup if you really want to).
- Remember that even if you like an asexual girl, she may still like you back. Asexual just means she’s not sexually attracted. She may still be attracted to romance and may also like you. Have a chat and see if she’s interested.
Warning
- If she’s not in the LGBT community (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) don’t try to flirt because she’s most likely not interested in women. Don’t force yourself to like someone who isn’t right for you, don’t force yourself around her.
- Romantic orientation can be different from sexual orientation. It is entirely possible that you only have feelings for men and are only sexually attracted to women. Be clear about your romantic tendencies if you’re planning on building a lasting relationship with someone.
This article was co-written by Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSC. Deb Schneider is a clinical social worker at a private enterprise in Oakland, CA and a manager for the Weiland Health Initiative at Stanford University. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in creating safe spaces that respect the identities of disadvantaged communities, at the high school and college levels. Deb holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology and women’s studies from Clark University and a master’s degree in social work with a medical major from the University of California’s Berkeley School of Social Welfare.
This article has been viewed 13,728 times.
If you are bisexual or lesbian and you are eyeing a certain girl, here are some tips. Before we begin, note that the term “bisexual” can be understood in many different ways. Some bisexuals define bisexuality as liking both men and women, others define bisexuality as liking both gender-dualistic and non-binary people. So you need to find out what their gender definition is to avoid offending them.
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