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If your gut tells you that something is wrong with your friendship with someone, then you are probably dealing with a bad friend. Pay attention to how you feel after being around this friend. Ask yourself if they are trustworthy, supportive, and kind to you. If not, you may need to talk to them and decide whether to continue the friendship. Remember that it is completely possible to end a relationship that is unhealthy and exhausts you!
Steps
Friendship Rating
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Recall how your friend responded when you talked to them about your ups and downs. A bad friend will just enjoy rambling about himself and not want to spend time listening to you. Notice how often they interrupt you or respond by telling about themselves and their stories. [1] X Research Source
- A good friend will ask about you and your life at the beginning of the conversation. A true friendship must be reciprocal, meaning that both partners share about themselves and receive encouragement from the other.
- Maybe the friend doesn’t even realize that they’re behaving unintentionally! Try gently reminding her the next time this happens again. You can say something like “I really wanted to tell you about my story last week, but I feel like you want to talk about other things” and see how they respond.
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Ask yourself if you trust the person to keep your secret. If you’re often hesitant to tell your friend your secrets for fear of being talked about, then this is a sign that your friend is unreliable, and there’s something inside. you tell you to be careful. Notice what they do with your secrets – do they keep it a secret or reveal it to others? [2] X Research Source
- You should also notice how this friend talks about their other friends. Do they tell you all the secrets of other people? If they can’t keep secrets or enjoy gossiping about other people, chances are they’re doing the same thing behind your back.
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Identify friends who take advantage of you or only hang out with you when it’s convenient. A good friend will hang out with you just because they like you. A bad friend often tries to find some benefit in being with you. Look out for the following signs that a friend is taking advantage of you: [3] X Research Source
- Only hang out with friends when they need a ride somewhere.
- Time and time again borrow money from friends every time you go out to play but never pay.
- Asking you to lie to their parents and hide when they do something.
- Only be with you when you are with certain people.
- Going out with friends because their other plans got cancelled.
- Forcing you to do things you don’t want to do.
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Expect encouragement instead of judgment if true friends are. Besides sincerity, a good friend will always support you and wish you success. A bad friend will bring up your past mistakes, make you doubt yourself, and be judgmental every time you try to do something new or different. [4] X Research Sources
- For example, when you hear your friend confide that you want to audition for the volleyball team, your friend will say, “Do you really think so? You don’t have a good figure but your height is so short, how can you be recruited?” This is not a supportive attitude. A good friend will encourage you, even offering to help you practice for the entrance exam.
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Notice how this friend reacts when something good happens to you. If your friend is envious, angry, or passively aggressive, there’s something wrong with them. A good friend will congratulate you and may put aside his feelings to support you. [5] X Research Sources
- Good friends can be jealous too – it’s a natural part of human nature! But if they can’t put this emotion aside and are happy for you, this is a sign that your “friend” is not the best person to share the good news with.
- Similarly, if that friend is constantly pointing out the negative aspects of the situation when you receive good things, then they are intentionally making you unhappy.
Try this: The next time that friend has a confused reaction to your funny story, say, “Listening to you, I feel like you’re not happy for me,” then shut up and wait to see how they respond. . Maybe they realize their bad attitude and apologize to you.
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Think about whether you still feel important when your friend has a lover. Naturally, when people start dating, people will have less time to spend with friends, but once they are friends, they are still close. If you feel like this friend starts to distance himself from you every time he has a crush on someone and ignores you, then they don’t know how to balance important things and relationships. [6] X Research Source
- On the other hand, notice how your friend reacts when you have a lover. Do they give you space to cultivate love, or are they jealous and clingy? Do they try to make you feel guilty and spend more time with them?
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Beware of friends who interfere in your personal life. While close friends always sympathize with each other in private matters, it’s not healthy to ask questions about details or interfere deeply in every aspect of a friend’s life. Maybe this friend is jealous or wants to control you. If they don’t respect your boundaries and decisions, get angry when you spend time on other activities without them, or when you add other friends, that’s a warning sign. [7] X Research Sources
- Remember that true friendships take time to develop. If a new friend insists on knowing everything about you right away to get closer to them, back off.
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Beware of friends who intend to manipulate you with lavish gifts. Receiving gifts is welcome, but sometimes bad friends will use their “generosity” as a way to bind you with a feeling of “indebtedness”. If you feel pressured to hang out with someone, to close your eyes to bad behavior, or to repay them with something else, this is a sign that something is not right with this friendship. [8] X Research Sources
- Pay special attention to friends who often give you big gifts after an argument or disagreement with you. They’re trying to distract you from the real problem and get you in your favor instead of actually solving the problem.
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Think about how you feel after being with that friend. Do you feel tired or full of energy? Are you looking forward to seeing them again? Do you find yourself avoiding conversations with them? Your answer can say a lot about how you really feel about this friend. Listen to your intuition – it often tells you things that you might not have realized if you relied solely on reason! [9] X Research Source
- The things you usually say to others about that friend are another clue. If you complain about them all the time, even if you just want to, it signals that something is wrong.
Set healthy boundaries
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Talk to that friend when they’re petty, judgmental, or taking advantage of you. There’s nothing wrong with speaking up for yourself and asking to be treated with respect, especially when it’s someone you consider a friend. You can say something like, “I feel like you only hang out with me when you need me to drive you somewhere. It makes me feel like I’m being taken advantage of” or “I really appreciate our friendship, but I feel like you only care about your new boyfriend. Can we spend more fun time together?” [10] X Research Source
- The way a person reacts to you sharing your feelings tells you a lot about that person’s personality. A sincere friend will apologize and correct. People who only think about themselves will find ways to blame you for their behavior.
- Standing up for yourself takes a lot of courage, so it’s only natural that you’re worried!
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Say “no” when they ask you to do something you don’t want to do. Good friends will respect your boundaries, even if they don’t understand or disagree. They won’t try to force you to do things you’re not comfortable with, and won’t get mad when you say no. [11] X Research Source
- For example, when you say that you don’t like taking advantage of your parents’ absence to have a party at home, the friend should respect this and not try to make you feel guilty but indulge them.
- Be polite when saying no, and remember that this doesn’t make you a bad friend. You can also explain why so they get to know you better.
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Have a frank conversation with your friend about how you feel. If you notice your friendship with someone is out of balance, talk to them directly to improve your friendship. Let the friend know that you appreciate them and why you want to talk. [12] X Research Source
- Avoid using phrases like “you always,” or “you never.” Say sentences with the subject of yourself, such as “I feel like you don’t want to talk to me because you haven’t replied to my messages lately” or “I feel sad because you talk to people.” different about me, making me feel like I can’t share anything with you.”
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Cut off contact with that friend if you’re unsure of what to do. Don’t just ignore them, make some excuse to explain why you won’t be available for a week or two, then come back. Think about how you feel after a few weeks without seeing that friend. If you feel relieved and comfortable, then perhaps this friendship is not doing you any good. [13] X Research Source
- Don’t actively plan. Don’t text or call. Say you have other plans when they ask you out, but remember to be tactful and not overdo it.
- You might say that you’re busy with school projects, have a lot of work at home, or that you’re not feeling well and need a break.
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Let the friendship fade if things go naturally. This is not necessarily the end of the friendship, but just that the two are no longer as close as they used to be. Instead of holding onto that friendship, focus on finding new friends and enjoying new experiences. [14] X Research Source
- You can still be friendly with that person. Instead of ignoring them, politely greet them when you see them, and don’t talk to others about them. Unless you’re in a dangerous situation, you don’t have to pretend they don’t exist.
- Who knows, after a few months of being no longer close, you and that friend rekindled their friendship.
Tip: It’s natural to feel lost when friendships end or change, but trust that, with time, you’ll return to who you were.
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End a friendship if it’s a toxic relationship and the other friend won’t change. Instead of just slowly drifting away from that friend, you might consider telling them why you’re not hanging out with them anymore. You can meet them face to face to talk or write a letter. If you choose to write your letter, be aware that your letter may be exposed or misinterpreted. Face-to-face conversation is still the best. [15] X Research Source
- Try to be as direct and frank as possible. For example, you could say, “I don’t think we should hang out anymore. There’s something wrong with our friendship, so it’s best that we see each other less often.”
- Wait for them to respond to your words. It’s normal for your friend to have some feelings. You can keep your point of view and still listen to them and close the conversation.
Advice
- Never gossip about that friend, no matter how tempting it may be. This behavior will also make you a bad friend.
X
This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
This article has been viewed 90,237 times.
If your gut tells you that something is wrong with your friendship with someone, then you are probably dealing with a bad friend. Pay attention to how you feel after being around this friend. Ask yourself if they are trustworthy, supportive, and kind to you. If not, you may need to talk to them and decide whether to continue the friendship. Remember that it is completely possible to end a relationship that is unhealthy and exhausts you!
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