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This article was co-written by Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Supatra Tovar is a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY #31949), licensed dietitian, fitness expert and owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical nutrition and psychology. With over 25 years of experience in the field of holistic health, she specializes in Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her knowledge of psychology, nutrition and fitness to assist clients with issues such as depression, excess weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a bachelor’s degree in Environmental Biology from Cporado Boulder University, a master’s degree in Nutritional Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a Ph. Alliant International, Los Angeles.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 35,758 times.
Many people consider sex and love to be closely related. However, people are more and more open about sex life and want to enjoy it freely without the emotional burden in love and relationships. “Love with no strings attached” is not for everyone, but many people can enjoy some fun without keeping commitments. That is, this relationship is not for everyone, and that is normal.
Steps
Avoid vibrations
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You should understand that having sex does not mean having love. Love and sex are two completely different concepts. Most people are taught through movies, TV and even friends/relatives that sex will always lead to love. However, love is a complex and nuanced emotion that develops over time, formed when you get to know someone emotionally and socially, not just physically.
- After orgasm, the hormone oxytocin, also known as the “cuddle chemical” is released in a woman similar to feelings of attachment and love. This is why they often ignore logical statements about a person, as well as confuse love with sex. [1] X Research Source
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Don’t go to bed with someone you’ve had romantic moments with. It’s hard to be friends after a romantic or sexual relationship. However, sexual union will revive feelings of love and attraction. One of the differences between friends and couples is the lack of sexual connection. Working together to rekindle your sex life will spark inspiration whether you like it or not.
- This includes sleeping with close friends, as the existing bond between the two of you, when combined with sex, makes it very easy to become a couple. [2] X Research Source
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Ask yourself what you are looking for in your sex life. Why do you want to have sex with someone? Are you trying a little fun, experimenting with new people or feeling lonely? You need to be clear about your goals, as they will profoundly affect how you bond with someone. Be honest with yourself to avoid ambiguity after the affair is over.
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Random sex isn’t for everyone, but it’s normal. If you tend to fall in love with everyone you sleep with or are looking for a mate, think twice about having casual sex. If you just want to have fun, have no interest or expectations for a relationship and want to experiment a bit, feel free to proceed. [3] X Research Sources
- Unbound sex is easier if you just want to have fun and understand more about your sexual needs.
- Making love out of loneliness, loss, or hurt often creates unwanted attraction, as you’ll be trying to make up for your feelings from your new partner.
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Set boundaries. Is intimacy foreshadowed? Some people refrain from kissing their partner, because it feels too close to a real relationship. Others don’t like cuddling after sex, or won’t make love to strangers. Set boundaries before going out at night and stick to them, as this will save your heart and mind from worrying too much.
- Long conversations to get to know each other, especially on an intimate level (goals, worries/fears, personal history), often lead to love and attraction. [4] X Research Sources
- Always use safety when having sex with someone. [5] X Research Sources
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Don’t make love every time possible with the same person. Take time apart to protect your emotions from getting into serious relationships. If you’ve made a pact with your partner that you’re also casually flirting with other people, rotate the changes so that you don’t fall in love with one person too much.
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Prioritize pleasure in relationships. Don’t stay overnight and cuddle, date, or talk late into the night. If you want to maintain a non-binding, but only physical relationship, stop at the physical side. You should just focus on enjoying your time together, making sure you’re both satisfied when you leave the game. Pleasure, rather than intimacy, is an important factor in preventing emotional progress in a relationship.
- Gifts, dates, and overnight stays will all create feelings of intimacy. You should focus only on the things you enjoy and, when you are happy, leave. [6] X Research Sources
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Review your relationship goals after a few weeks. Do you find yourself starting to have feelings for someone? More importantly, do you enjoy the “Love Without Binding” lifestyle? Some people find having sex with random partners cliché, unsatisfying and uncomfortable despite the quick pleasure. You are constantly evolving, growing and changing, and your sexual preferences are no exception. [7] X Research Sources
- How do you feel after making love? Do you want to stay but feel forced to leave?
- Would you like to try something more permanent? Do you give up on special things because you told yourself you don’t want to be in a relationship, or because you really don’t love this person?
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Leave when you’re not comfortable. If you don’t like your partner’s sexuality, leave. Loveless sex is meant to satisfy each other physically, and if a person is not interested or interested in what the other has to offer, they are free to leave. Remember, this is not a romantic relationship. You don’t have to be afraid of your partner’s emotional and emotional burden if you accidentally break things.
- “I think I’m ready to go looking for something more permanent, but this kind of relationship is interesting.”
- “I don’t want to keep doing this haphazardly.”
- “I want to stay in touch, but now I’m going to meet someone else.”
Looking for a good mate
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Flirt with acquaintances, people you aren’t very close to, or your friends to see if you two get along. You don’t have to confide in someone about your life, work, and goals or dreams. Impromptu flirting is about smiling, teasing, and occasionally touching. If they reciprocate, it’s likely that your relationship will evolve into an impromptu “love affair”. Here are some suggestions for flirting:
- “I’ve had many relationships before and I’m definitely not looking for any ties now.”
- “I’m here just to have fun and meet lovely people.” [8] X Research Sources
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Communicate your intentions with your partner. You need to be clear and frank with the person you intend to have a relationship with in the first place. If you don’t, you may make your partner expect more than you give, and ending a one-sided relationship will be a painful end for everyone. When you’re uncomfortable with a conversation, the best advice is to be direct and say what you want:
- “I don’t want to start a relationship or start dating.”
- “I want something random, not a girlfriend/boyfriend.”
- “Let’s do something light and fun.”
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Behave like friends, not lovers. You don’t have to be rushed, passionately in love, or cuddled if you both want to get into a quick fight. You can’t kiss and send flowers to your partner at work, so don’t do it in a casual sexual relationship. But there’s also no need to be shy, annoyed, or cold when you’re around someone. Have a good sense of humour, have fun together, and maintain lightness. This will allow you to open up about everything, preventing emotions from being suppressed or crossed.
- When you see that person again the next day, be nice and cordial — a hug and greeting is different from a date request. [9] X Research Source
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Be sincere if you meet other people. You need to be frank if you are having multiple sexual partners. If you have sex with multiple people, your partner deserves to know. However, keep in mind that if they’re angry or want a binding relationship, it’s best for both of you to go your separate ways. If they trust you to be unattached and you continue to see them, they may tacitly understand that the two of you will progress to a more serious relationship.
- Tell funny, light-hearted, or amusing stories about other sex times to show that you’re not tied down.
- “I’m not looking to tie up at the moment, I hope this isn’t a problem for you?”
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Try impromptu dating apps to find people interested in sex. Apps like Tinder and Grindr have been rolled out to help interested people find casual sex relationships in their area. You can download it to your phone, quickly create a profile, and start chatting with people in the area right away.
- Always meet in public first.
- Never give out personal or financial information — just your name is more than enough.
- Drive yourself to and from the meet up location.
- Tell a friend or family member about your plans to meet someone, where and when you plan to return. [10] X Research Source
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Stop when only one person develops romantic feelings. If you or your partner are starting to fall in love, but the other person still wants to stay spontaneous, you need to end the relationship. Trying to “get over,” or convince someone to let go of their feelings and go back to a less intense relationship will never work out, and the longer you’re together, the more emotional it will be. the stronger. Remember that when a relationship begins on a whim — it can also end on a whim. Say things like:
- “This type of relationship is interesting, but I’m looking for something a little more serious.”
- “This is exciting, but you’re not ready for anything serious right now, and you’ll be meeting other people.”
- If a relationship is in the early stages, stop moving on or try to flirt, even if you think it’s “harmless.”
Advice
- You are your own best guide in impromptu sex. If you feel uncomfortable or pressured then let it go and try new things. There should be no pressure here.
Warning
- Always use protective measures. Not worrying about sex doesn’t mean ignoring STIs.
- Random relations with strangers are very dangerous. Always get to know someone first and have a mutual friend with you if that person is unknown.
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This article was co-written by Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Supatra Tovar is a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY #31949), licensed dietitian, fitness expert and owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical nutrition and psychology. With over 25 years of experience in the field of holistic health, she specializes in Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her knowledge of psychology, nutrition and fitness to assist clients with issues such as depression, excess weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a bachelor’s degree in Environmental Biology from Cporado Boulder University, a master’s degree in Nutritional Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a Ph. Alliant International, Los Angeles.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 35,758 times.
Many people consider sex and love to be closely related. However, people are more and more open about sex life and want to enjoy it freely without the emotional burden in love and relationships. “Love with no strings attached” is not for everyone, but many people can enjoy some fun without keeping commitments. That is, this relationship is not for everyone, and that is normal.
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