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This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli currently practices privately and specializes in personal relationships, love marriage, depression, anxiety, gender, communication skills, parenting and so on. Kelli also organizes events. group therapy for people with alcohol and drug addiction, as well as groups on anger management. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is a host for LA Talk Radio, a relationship consultant for The Examiner, and speaks worldwide. You can view her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy and website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her Master of Social Work from the University of Pennsylvania and her bachelor’s degree in sociology/health from the University of Florida.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 31,335 times.
When a friend is having a hard time, it’s extremely important that you be there without making them more upset. This article will show you how to care, listen, keep your partner busy and distracted to get over the unpleasant things.
Steps
Show interest
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Give them space. Give your friend time to heal himself and forget his pain. Depending on what’s going on, sometimes they’ll need someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, but other times they’ll want to think for themselves. So don’t be too hasty if your partner wants to spend time alone.
- After a while, gently talk to them. You don’t have to say something like, “I’m so sorry about what happened, I’m really shocked,” but simply say, “I’m really sorry and worried about you.” [1] X Research Source
- Don’t put pressure. You just need to let them know that you are always willing to listen and share when they need it.
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Start with the little things. If your friend is a non-confident person, start small so they can open up. Without being too flashy, the simple things can help you make someone feel better.
- Before trying to talk or find out about your friend’s problem, give them a card, a bouquet of flowers, or other small gifts, such as a pack of beer or a record of music, to replace the lyrics. want to say that you are willing to listen and share their sadness.
- You can also start by handing your friend a soft drink, a handkerchief, or finding a comfortable place to sit down to boost their spirits.
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Contact them. When someone is sad, they often won’t actively seek help, especially when they’ve just been through a huge shock. If it’s very painful, like breaking up with a loved one or losing a family member, contacting them can be difficult. Be patient and try to find creative ways to talk to them.
- Send a text if they don’t answer the phone. It’s easier to respond to messages succinctly without having to pretend to be okay.
- Even if it’s not a serious problem, like your friend is just sad because of a broken knee, or their favorite football team loses, they will still tend to isolate themselves and ignore those around them. Take care of them even in times like these.
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Be next to your friend. Sometimes, you don’t need to do anything, just sit there next to them, just being there is enough to make them feel better. Silently suffering alone will make them suffer even more. Let your friends know that you are there, willing to confide in them if they want, that’s all.
- A small gesture of comfort can be more powerful than a thousand words of comfort. Pat your friend on the back, give your friend a gentle hug, or hold their hand tightly.
Listen
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Encourage them to talk. Ask a few brief questions for your friend to talk and open up. If you know what they’re upset about, you can ask specific questions; if not, you can say, “Are you having a conversation?” or “What’s wrong with you?”
- No coercion. Sometimes, just sitting next to it and being silent is also a way to create an opportunity for others to pour their hearts out. If they don’t want to talk, don’t force them.
- If your friend doesn’t want to confide, bring it up again after a few days by inviting them out to lunch and asking, “How are you doing?” Maybe now they will be more willing to share.
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Just listen. If the person starts talking, keep quiet and listen attentively. Don’t say anything, don’t interrupt to show sympathy, or start telling your own story to show that you empathize with their suffering. Sit still, look at them and listen to them. When they’re sad, that’s what they need most.
- Make eye contact. Look at your friend with sympathetic eyes, put away your phone, turn off the TV and don’t mind anything else in the room, just look and listen to them.
- While listening, nod your head to show that you are listening very attentively, and combine the use of gestures, such as sighing when listening to sad passages, smiling at happy passages and, importantly, listening. listen.
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Summarize and take note of what they just said. If your friend starts to slow down, keep them sharing by summarizing what they just said in your own words. For many people, hearing their own story makes them feel better. If the person just broke up and talks about all the things that weren’t right about your ex, you can say, “That said, it seems like he/she didn’t mean to take you seriously in the first place.” Fill in the silence to help them continue to share and calm down.
- You can also use this approach when you feel like you don’t understand exactly what your friend is saying. For example, you could say, “So you’re mad at your sister because she took your astronomy book without asking, right?”.
- Avoid taking their problem lightly when you feel it’s no big deal. Maybe they’re sadder than you think.
- Don’t pretend you understand what they’re going through when you’ve never been in a similar situation yourself.
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Do not try to solve the problem. A lot of people, especially men, often make the mistake of thinking that just because other people talk about their problems means they need help. Unless specifically asked, such as “What do you think I should do?” You shouldn’t give any advice. Heartbreak is not a problem that can be easily solved, so don’t expect to find a perfect solution. You just have to listen and be with your friend. [2] X Research Source
- This is especially true when the person makes mistakes. You don’t have to stress that your friend wouldn’t have to be upset about failing the exam if she studied hard instead of playing video games all day.
- If you want advice, stop for a moment and ask your friend, “Do you need some advice or do you just want me to listen?” and respect their wishes.
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Talk about other things. Once you’ve talked long enough, it’s a good idea to tactfully steer the conversation in a different direction, especially when you notice that your friend has vented out or the conversation begins to repeat itself. Help them have a more optimistic view or talk about other plans so they can move forward.
- Talk about what you plan to do after the conversation. Slowly move the conversation to another topic. For example, if you’re sitting outside of class and listening to your friend talk about a breakup, you might say, “So, are you hungry? What do you want for lunch?”
- Gradually every story will come to an end, don’t let your friend talk about the same problem over and over if it doesn’t help. Encourage them to talk and focus their energy on other things.
Keep them busy
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Engage in distraction activities. You should do something with your friends so that they don’t sit still and gnaw on sadness. It doesn’t matter what they do, as long as they are busy and have something to do.
- If you are sitting somewhere, you can get up and go for a walk. Take a few laps around the mall, browse while walking, or walk around the neighborhood for a change of pace.
- Do something fun together, but don’t let go. Grief is not a reason for us to abuse drugs, tobacco or alcohol. You need to be rational when it comes to helping your friend feel better.
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Participate in physical activities. Exercise helps release endorphins in the brain, so you will be calmer and think more positively. [3] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source If you can get your friends involved in physical activity, it’s a great and healthy way to get them happy again.
- Do some gentle exercise, such as stretching exercises or yoga.
- If you want more fun, you can choose to play some sport in the yard, bike or go for a walk.
- If your friend is very angry or depressed, find a way to get active, such as going to the gym and lifting weights, to let those negative emotions out.
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Participate in activities that are light and enjoyable. If the person is clinging to negative thoughts, you need to direct them to more positive things. You can choose to go with them to the mall to look at things or go swimming and eat ice cream. Find your favorite movies, make popcorn, eat while watching movies, and talk about the people you have a crush on. Anything is fine, as long as it’s light and interesting so that the person stops hanging around with troubles. [4] X Research Sources
- Watch a funny movie or play to distract them from their negative thoughts [5] X Research Source
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Eat something. You can offer your friend something special when they’re not in a good mood. Go out for ice cream or go to a favorite restaurant. Many times a bad mood will make us lose our appetite and lose our appetite, leading to low blood sugar and making things worse. Eating something will probably make your friend feel better.
- You can cook for your friend once in a while when they’re down. Cook a pot of soup and share it with them, so at least they won’t have to worry about what to eat today. [6] X Research Sources
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Encourage them to cancel unimportant plans. When they’ve just had a bad experience, trying to get to work to present a plan or sit in class with long, hard lessons may not be what they should be doing. Taking a day off and doing something to clear the mind instead of the usual work would probably be better.
- Sometimes burying their head in work is a good way, familiar things can make them forget their troubles. The final decision is up to them, but let your friend know that at least they still have a choice.
Advice
- If they are contemplating suicide or hurting themselves, encourage them to seek help from suicide hotlines. [7] X Research Sources
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This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli currently practices privately and specializes in personal relationships, love marriage, depression, anxiety, gender, communication skills, parenting and so on. Kelli also organizes events. group therapy for people with alcohol and drug addiction, as well as groups on anger management. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is a host for LA Talk Radio, a relationship consultant for The Examiner, and speaks worldwide. You can view her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy and website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her Master of Social Work from the University of Pennsylvania and her bachelor’s degree in sociology/health from the University of Florida.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 31,335 times.
When a friend is having a hard time, it’s extremely important that you be there without making them more upset. This article will show you how to care, listen, keep your partner busy and distracted to get over the unpleasant things.
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