How to Say Less

Many people want to learn to talk less and listen more. Listening more can help you gather information, understand others better, and learn to express yourself concisely.

Table of Contents

Speak to the bare minimum

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/a/a5/Speak-Less-Step-1-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-1- Version-3.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/a/a5/Speak-Less-Step-1-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-1-Version-3.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Only speak when it’s important. Before you speak, ask yourself if what you’re going to say really matters. You need to avoid speaking when you have nothing to contribute to the discussion. ^{[1] X Research Source}

People tend to listen to those who speak cautiously. People who often express their opinions or talk in the long run can lose the attention of others. If you have a tendency to talk a lot, you will often find yourself sharing unnecessary information.

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/e/e9/Speak-Less-Step-2-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-2- Version-3.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/e/e9/Speak-Less-Step-2-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-2-Version-3.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Avoid speaking to fill in the blanks. People often talk to fill in the blanks. You may find yourself talking to relieve the stress of silence in work situations, like at school or at work. Sometimes, silence is necessary and you don’t have to speak just to fill the void. ^{[2] X Research Source}

For example, if you and your co-worker are in the break room together, you don’t necessarily have to be social. If your co-workers don’t seem interested in talking, they won’t want to communicate.
In this case, just smile politely or keep quiet.

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/f/f6/Speak-Less-Step-3-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-3- Version-3.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/f/f6/Speak-Less-Step-3-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-3-Version-3.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Think carefully before you speak. If you speak too often, you will think what you say without being selective. Learning to talk less means learning to think about what to say. Before you say something, try to think about the words you are going to say. This will help you keep some things to yourself, making you talk less. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

When people talk too much, people often reveal information that should be kept private. When you think of something to say, especially something very personal, pause for a moment. Remember that you can always say it later, but once you do, you won’t be able to keep it to yourself.

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/f/f5/Speak-Less-Step-4-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-4- Version-3.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/f/f5/Speak-Less-Step-4-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-4-Version-3.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Pay attention to the amount of time you talk. Estimating how long you’ve been talking will help you talk less. Often after about 20 seconds of talking, you risk losing your listener’s attention. After this time threshold, pay attention to the listener. Look for any signs that they’re waning in interest. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Observe body language. Listeners can wiggle or check their phones when they start to get bored. Their eyes will turn to look elsewhere. So try to wrap up the story within the next 20 seconds and give the other person a chance to share.
Normally, you shouldn’t speak for more than 40 seconds at a time. Speaking longer will make the listener feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed.

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/1/1d/Speak-Less-Step-5-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-5- Version-3.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/1/1d/Speak-Less-Step-5-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-5-Version-3.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

See if you are speaking to overcome fear. People often talk too much due to underlying social anxiety. Pay attention every time you talk too much. Are you scared? If yes, find another way to solve this problem. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

When you find yourself talking too much, stop and assess your feelings. How do you feel? Are you worried about something?
You can count to 10 in your head or take deep breaths if you’re nervous. You can also motivate yourself before going to social events. Remind yourself that it’s normal to worry but relax and have fun.
If social anxiety is a serious problem for you, see a therapist for treatment.

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/7/71/Speak-Less-Step-6-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-6- Version-3.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/7/71/Speak-Less-Step-6-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-6-Version-3.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Avoid speaking to impress others. People tend to talk too much to impress others, especially in a work environment. If you find yourself talking a lot, think about whether you’re trying to show off. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

If you tend to talk a lot to get people’s attention, then tell yourself that others will be more impressed with what you say than how long you say it.
Instead of rambling about yourself, save what you know for a time when you can add something of value to the conversation.

Listen more

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/0/0f/Speak-Less-Step-7-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-7- Version-2.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/0/0f/Speak-Less-Step-7-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-7-Version-2.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Focus only on the speaker. When you’re talking, don’t look at your phone or look around. Don’t wander about things like what you’re going to do after work or what to eat for dinner that night. Give your full attention to the person speaking. This will help you listen better as you focus on what the other person is saying. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Always look at the person who is speaking. If you feel another thought creeping into your head, remind yourself to come back to reality and listen.

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/5/56/Speak-Less-Step-8-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-8- Version-3.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/5/56/Speak-Less-Step-8-Version-3.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-8-Version-3.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Maintain eye contact. Eye contact shows you’re paying attention. Look your interlocutor in the eye as they speak. Eye contact shows your attention and presence. Lack of eye contact can be seen as rude or indifferent. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Electronic devices, such as cell phones, often cause you to keep an eye on them, especially when making noises or notifications. Putting your phone in your purse or pocket when you’re talking to other people will keep you from being distracted.
Eye contact can help you see if you’re boring others. If the other person doesn’t look you in the eye when you speak, you’re probably talking too much. Stop and let them speak.

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/c/cd/Speak-Less-Step-9-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-9- Version-2.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/c/cd/Speak-Less-Step-9-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-9-Version-2.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Think about what the other person said. Listening is not passive. When someone is speaking, your job is to listen to what they have to say. Try not to judge while you are listening. Even if you disagree with what the other person has to say, you must wait for your turn to express your opinion. Don’t just think about how to respond when they’re talking. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Visualizing what is being exchanged can also help. Draw pictures in your head that describe what the other person is saying.
You can also stick to keywords or phrases while the other person talks.

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/1/1a/Speak-Less-Step-10-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-10- Version-2.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/1/1a/Speak-Less-Step-10-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-10-Version-2.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Clarify what the other person is saying. In conversations, it will eventually be your turn to speak. Before you speak, however, let’s clarify what you’ve heard. Paraphrase what the other person has to say and ask questions. ^{[10] X Research Source} Do not repeat their words verbatim. Simply paraphrase your understanding of what they say. You should also remember that active listening will help you focus on the speaker and show them you’re listening. Do not use active listening as a way to interrupt or express your opinion.

For example, you could say, “So you said you were nervous about the upcoming company party?”
Then ask questions. For example: “What do you think is the stress? Would you like to talk about this?”
Be sure to show empathy and nonjudgment when listening to the other person. You can show respect and acknowledge their point of view without having to give up yours.

Avoid making mistakes

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/9/9c/Speak-Less-Step-11-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-11- Version-2.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/9/9c/Speak-Less-Step-11-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-11-Version-2.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Express yourself when necessary. Don’t assume that talking less means not asserting and expressing yourself. If you have a real concern or an important opinion, don’t be afraid to speak up. Part of talking less is knowing when it’s time to share. ^{[11] X Research Source}

For example, if you are going through a big hardship in your life, it is normal to talk to others if you need support.
Sharing is also important if your opinion is valuable. If you have a strong opinion about something at work, then sharing it with your boss and colleagues will benefit everyone.

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/d/df/Speak-Less-Step-12-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-12- Version-2.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/d/df/Speak-Less-Step-12-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-12-Version-2.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Don’t overdo eye contact. Eye contact is important but can be stressful if done continuously. Eye contact is often associated with confidence and attentiveness, but too much can appear to be distrustful. You should look into the speaker’s eyes for 7 to 10 seconds and then look away for a while. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Eye contact may also be less appropriate for some cultures. Asian cultures may consider eye contact disrespectful. If you meet someone from another culture, be sure to study social etiquette related to eye contact.

{“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/1/14/Speak-Less-Step-13-Version-2.jpg/v4-460px-Speak-Less-Step-13- Version-2.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/1/14/Speak-Less-Step-13-Version-2.jpg/v4-728px-Speak- Less-Step-13-Version-2.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser -output”></div>”}

Keep an open mind when listening to others. Everyone has their own opinion and perception of what is right and common. When you listen attentively to another person, they may say things you disagree with. However, while listening, it is important not to make comments. If you feel like you’re thinking about someone, stop and remind yourself to focus on the other person’s words. You can analyze the information later. While listening, focus on the speaker and don’t judge. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Advice

Before joining the conversation, consider whether your contribution is needed; if not, keep quiet.

Steps

Speak to the bare minimum

Listen more

Avoid making mistakes

Advice

Related Posts