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This article was co-written by Patrick Muñoz. Patrick is an internationally recognized voice & speech coach with a focus on public speaking, vocal strength, voice and native, dubbing, acting, and speech therapy. He has worked with clients such as Penelope Cruz, Eva Longoria and Roselyn Sanchez. He was named Los Angeles’ Favorite Native and Voice Trainer by BACKSTAGE, is a voice and speech coach for Disney and Turner classics, and a member of the Voice Coaches Association. & Speech.
This article has been viewed 463,403 times.
Starting a conversation with someone can be quite challenging if you don’t know how to start, and silence or awkwardness can make people uncomfortable. But even if you think you have nothing to say, there are ways to have a deep conversation. Find common topics you can talk about and learn to listen actively to keep the conversation interesting. Once you’re more comfortable conversing with others, you’ll always know how to strike up a conversation in any situation!
Steps
Start a conversation
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Introduce yourself if you’ve never met the person. If you want to talk to a stranger, approach him, look him in the eye, and smile. Say hello and introduce your name so they feel comfortable around you. Reach out and shake your hand so that the other person feels connected to you and is more interested in talking. Ask for their name to start naturally, leading to a longer conversation. [1] X Research Source
- For example, you could say, “Hi, I’m Son. Nice to meet you.”
- You don’t need to introduce yourself if you just want to have a casual conversation, but this will help people open up to you more.
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Say something positive to invite others to talk. By opening a conversation with a negative, you can make people not open up and not interested in talking. Bring up the things that you really enjoy and smile when talking to the other person to make them more open and talk to you. Talk about something you like and ask them how it feels to engage them in the conversation. [2] X Research Source
- For example, if you’re at a party, you might say, “The music here is great. Do you like this song?” or “Have you tried the dishes here? It’s delicious.” End with a question to encourage the other person to respond and start a conversation.
- If the person seems shy or timid, your proactive and open attitude can help them feel more comfortable.
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Say compliments to start a conversation with the person. Find a good point in their personality or outfit to compliment. Be sincere in your compliments, lest they feel that you are not sincere and are afraid to talk to you. Keep the conversation going with a question that follows the compliment for them to respond. [3] X Research Sources
- You can say something like, “The dress you’re wearing looks so pretty. Where did you buy?” or “You have a real sense of taste. How did you find this suit?”
- Try to use open-ended questions as much as possible so that dialogues don’t end with “yes” or “no”.
- Avoid talking about someone’s appearance, as this can make them uncomfortable and not react well.
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Mention things around you to start a conversation if you can’t think of anything else. If you can’t think of a way to start a conversation, look around and pay attention to something, such as the weather, scenery, people, or an event going on. Be positive so that the other person is more interested in talking to you. [4] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say, “This is my first time at this coffee shop. Do you know what’s delicious here?” or “If only it were sunny today, that would be great. It’s been overcast these days.”
- Use a sense of humor when chatting to attract the other person and make the conversation more interesting.
Find topics to talk about
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Ask what the other person does or study to find a connection with them. Start a conversation with the person by asking about work or school. Ask them what they do, how long they’ve been there, and if they’ve had any fun with their work lately. If the person is still in school, you can ask what major they are studying and what they want to do after graduation. [5] X Research Sources
- Remember to answer if they also ask about your career or education.
- Show a genuine interest in their profession, even if their work doesn’t sound very appealing to you. See this as an opportunity to know more about the person and their industry.
- A few questions from you about the person themselves will also help them feel valued and respected.
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Talk about your and the other person’s common interests to learn more about them. People often like to talk about things they are passionate about, so you should ask the other person what they enjoy doing outside of work or school and keep in mind the points that you find interesting. When they ask you what hobbies you have, mention any activities that are similar to their interests so that you can continue the conversation about the topic. If you’re interested in one of the other’s pastimes, ask them how you can also try participating. [6] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say something like, “Oh, I’ve never tried carpentry before. What is the easiest thing for beginners to do?
- Remember not to overwhelm the other person or just talk about your interests. Ask questions about things the other person likes to do to maintain a two-way conversation.
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Comment on movies, TV shows, or books if you want to talk about pop culture. Many people share a common interest in the media industry, so talk about trending movies or music you’ve just seen or listened to to find out what they like. Ask them what they’ve been watching recently and hear from them why they liked it. If you’ve both watched or listened to the same thing, you can comment on it to keep the conversation going. [7] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say, “Have you seen the latest episode of “Star Wars”? How do you feel about the ending of the movie? or “What kind of music do you like? Do you have a favorite musician, please recommend me to listen to?”
- Even if you don’t agree with their opinion, it’s still a good idea to stay positive and say something like, “Oh, I never thought that, but I get what you mean.” Thus, the other person still feels interested in the topic of the conversation, not lost interest.
- If you don’t understand what the other person is saying, ask them to clarify or explain so you can understand better. If you are not familiar with the media products they are talking about, you can say “I don’t know”.
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Talk about past experiences if you want to create an atmosphere of openness with the other person. If you feel comfortable with the person you’re talking to, you can ask about their past experiences and future plans. Encourage them to tell funny stories about their lives before, what their family was like, or what goals they had. Be open and tell them about your own experiences so you can both share and connect. [8] X Research Sources
- For example, you could say, “Where are you from? Do you like it there?” or “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
- Strangers may find it odd if you ask too much about their personal life when you first meet them. You should only ask for more personal stories if you both feel comfortable.
- Never act “superior” or try to impress the other person, as they may get annoyed and not want to talk anymore.
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Ask the person for their opinion on current events to engage them in the conversation. See what’s happening in the press or media and mention it when talking to the other person. Find at least one or two events from the past week to bring into the conversation. Listen to what they think about the news and ask how they feel. You should also prepare your opinion as they may ask you the same thing. [9] X Research Source
- For example, you could say something like, “Have you heard of the new music app? I read it in the newspaper.”
Be careful: Use caution when discussing hot topics, such as politics or religion, as these topics may make the other person angry or unwilling to talk.
Stay focused when chatting
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Actively listen so you can respond to the other person. Put away the phone and focus on the person talking. Ask questions based on what they have to say to keep the conversation engaged. [10] X Research Source
- When the other person has finished speaking, repeat briefly what they have just said to show that you are listening. For example, if they talk about buying a new car, you might ask, “What kind of car did you end up buying? Does it run well?”
- Don’t think about other things while the other person is talking to avoid the “he said chicken, she said duck” situation because you don’t know what they said.
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Use the phrase “It reminds me of” to move on to another topic. If the other person mentions something that you can relate to while they are speaking, start with the phrase “It reminds me of…” before talking about your topic. This way, you will easily change the subject naturally without creating awkward silences in the conversation. Make sure the topics are related in some way so that the transitions are smooth and the other person is easier to follow. [11] X Research Source
- For example, if they are talking about nice weather, you could say, “It reminds me of the beautiful sky in Hawaii when I traveled there. Have you been to Hawaii before?”
Tip: You can use the phrase “It reminds me of…” after a pause if you are referring to something happening around. For example, if you’ve just finished saying something to the other person and a musician walks up, you could say “This guy reminds me of another musician” and then move on to the music.
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Say what comes to mind to keep the conversation interesting. If an idea pops into your head during some random silence, say it and ask what the other person thinks about it. Do not interrupt the other person while they are speaking, as this is not polite. Make sure that the topic you are about to talk about does not make the other person uncomfortable, or they will not want to talk anymore. [12] X Research Source
- For example, you might say, “I just remembered a fun story I read online. Do you wanna hear?”
- The other person may not want to talk about a random topic if you haven’t talked to them before.
Advice
- When you start a conversation with someone and they don’t respond or seem uncomfortable, you can stop talking if you want.
Warning
- Avoid topics that might spark a heated debate, such as politics or religion.
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This article was co-written by Patrick Muñoz. Patrick is an internationally recognized speech & voice coach with a focus on public speaking, vocal strength, voice and native, dubbing, acting, and speech therapy. He has worked with clients such as Penelope Cruz, Eva Longoria and Roselyn Sanchez. He was named Los Angeles’ Favorite Native and Voice Trainer by BACKSTAGE, is a voice and speech coach for Disney and Turner classics, and a member of the Voice Coaches Association. & Speech.
This article has been viewed 463,403 times.
Starting a conversation with someone can be quite challenging if you don’t know how to start, and silence or awkwardness can make people uncomfortable. But even if you think you have nothing to say, there are ways to have a deep conversation. Find common topics you can talk about and learn to listen actively to keep the conversation interesting. Once you’re more comfortable conversing with others, you’ll always know how to strike up a conversation in any situation!
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