9 Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back (And You’re Not in Denial)

A lot of people want to believe that their ex will eventually come back. But will their ex really come back or are they just in denial?

In this article, I will teach you about the signs that mean your ex will eventually come back. But before I do that, I want you to take a moment and think about why you want to know these signs.

Looking for signs that your ex will surely come back is an exercise that feeds a harmful psychological phenomenon happening inside you right now. It feeds your denial of the breakup.

After all, if your ex will come back, there is no reason to take this breakup seriously. Right?

I mean, why should you worry about your ex moving on to someone else when you know that he or she is going to come back to you?

Why should you worry about going through the breakup pain when this breakup is only temporary?

Why should you worry about accepting your mistakes, fixing them, and growing as a person, if you are sure your ex will come back no matter what?

Why should you do any of that?

If you are hoping your ex will come back, then there is a good chance you are going through one of the five stages of breakup grief. The stage known as “Denial.”

Denial Is Usually The First Stage of Breakup Grief

Your mind wants to convince you that this breakup is only temporary. That your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend will not really move on from you. They will come back to you after a while.

Maybe your mind wants to believe that you don’t need to do anything. That you just need to relax and have fun. Your ex will come back eventually, and you will both live happily ever after.

Or maybe your mind is constantly running trying to find a quick way to get your ex back so you don’t have to go through the breakup pain.

Your mind wants the easy way out of the mess this breakup has created in your life.

But the truth is, if your ex broke up with you, then there is a good chance they will NOT come back on their own. And even if they do, there is a good chance both of you will break up again.

Do Exes Even Come Back?

Yes, exes do come back. They do it all time. We conducted a study and found that around 30% of people get their exes back after a breakup. But out of those 30%, only 15% stay together in a healthy relationship. The remaining 15% breakup again after getting back together.

And here is the important part, the 15% of people who stay together in a healthy relationship, didn’t just wait for their ex to come back. They proactively worked on the issues that lead to the breakup, fixed it, and grew as a person. In fact, in many cases, they reached out to their ex instead of waiting for their ex to come back.

If you are asking yourself questions like,

Will My Ex Come Back?

Or

What are the Chances that My Ex will Eventually Come Back?

I want you to notice how those questions make it seem like you have no control over the outcome.

Like it all depends on your ex. If your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend decides to come back, you will be there waiting for them.

Like you are a warm cuddly stuffed animal that has nothing to do except wait at home for your owner to come back and show you some love.

Instead of asking yourself these questions, I want you to start thinking about this differently.

If you want your ex back, I want you to proactively figure out what you can do to get them back instead of just waiting for them to come back.

You are not a helpless stuffed animal. You are a human being and you can do a lot of things to affect the course of your life.

You have the ability to make decisions and take actions that will determine what happens next in your love life.

You don’t just wait for your ex to come back. You can do things that will increase the chances of getting back in a healthy relationship with your ex. And if they don’t come back, you can do things to move on from them and find someone who appreciates you and loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

Instead of asking “Will My Ex Come Back?”, ask yourself “What Can I Do To Get My Ex Back And Keep Them In a Healthy Relationship?”

(The answer is in this article if you want your boyfriend back and this article if you want your girlfriend back).

With that being said, let’s get straight to the signs that actually mean your ex will eventually come back.

In addition, if you relate to any of the signs below, you will also find advice on what you should to maximize your chances of getting your ex back in a healthy relationship below.

Strong Signs That Mean Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back on Their Own

1. You Have an On/Off Relationship (Or They Have Done This Before)

The biggest sign that your ex will come back on their own is if both of you had an on/off relationship. That means your relationship follows a pattern of breaking up and getting back together after a short while. And it has happened before two or more times.

If your relationship with your ex has a pattern of breaking up and getting back together, then there is a good chance that pattern will continue, and your ex will eventually come back.

In fact, you probably don’t even need to do anything to get them to come back. You can just continue living your life the way you want, and your ex will probably still come back.

But that does not necessarily mean they will stay with you. If you have a pattern of breaking up and getting back together, then guess what will happen after you get back together?

That’s right, you will probably breakup again. And you will repeat the on/off pattern once again.

What Should You do to Get Back in a Healthy Relationship With your Ex If You Had an On/Off Relationship?

If this is you, then you shouldn’t just wait for your ex to come back and repeat the same patterns over and over again. Now that you are broken up, you have some time to yourself. And you can use this time to figure out what is causing both of you to have this on/off relationship.

Why can’t you both commit to each other and have a healthy relationship?

Is it because you both want different things in a relationship?

Is it because you can’t communicate with each other effectively?

Is it because either you or your ex is afraid of commitment?

Try to understand this on/off pattern and figure out a solution for it. When your ex comes back, don’t just take them back and continue the same pattern. Instead, talk to them about the issues and if it’s possible to resolve those issues.

If they are also interested in having a healthy relationship with you, they are a keeper. If not, you are better off moving on from them.

Recommended Reading: Signs of a Toxic Relationship – Healthline

2. They Broke Up in The Heat of The Moment

A lot of times, people break up because of a heated argument or because they are very upset about something. A lot of people make a rash decision to breakup with their partner and they come back later when they realize that the decision was wrong.

If your ex broke up with you because of an argument or because they were extremely upset about something, then there is a good chance they will change their mind when they calm down and start thinking rationally.

According to Michael McNulty from Gottman Institute on BBC, “It’s the long-lasting, slow-burning issues are the real relationship poison – not big, explosive, single events or confrontations.”

If your relationship with your ex had issues that have been slowly rotting the foundation for months or years; then this sign doesn’t apply to you. These issues could include insecurity, fundamental differences in values or constant miscommunication.

But if you feel that you and your ex had compatible values and this argument was a one time thing, then there is a good chance they will come back.

What to Do to If Your Ex Broke Up in The Heat of The Moment?

Even though there is a good chance your ex will come back on their own, you should not leave that to chance.

The best thing you can do to maximize your chances of getting them back and keeping them in a healthy relationship is to fix the root cause of this breakup. In most cases, it’s bad communication skills by one or both the partners.

So, if this is you, I recommend you read the book Non-Violent Communications by Marshal B. Rosenberg to learn good communication skills. In my experience, this book is the fastest way to learn effective communication that can increase the quality of your relationships tremendously.

In some cases, there is nothing wrong with either partner and there is nothing you can do about it. Sometimes, you are both just not compatible with each other. And if that’s the case with you, then perhaps it’s best to accept the breakup and focus on healing from it.

Once you feel you have a good handle on how to communicate effectively in a relationship, reach out to your ex and talk to them about getting back together. Use the approach I describe in this article in the section about Brief No Contact Rule.

3. They Have Told You That They Don’t Want this Breakup

A lot of times, your ex will tell you that they don’t want this breakup, but they “have to” stick to their decision. Even though the breakup is painful for them, and they wish they can be back with you, they feel that the breakup is “necessary”.

If your ex tells you that they don’t want this breakup, then there is a good chance they will eventually come back to you. They will try their best to grow as a person so they can get back with you and be happy again.

But if they can’t find a solution to whatever issues they are facing, then they won’t come back.

Like I said before, sometimes it’s just not the right fit and there is nothing you can do to get back in a healthy relationship with your ex.

What Can You do to Make Sure Your Ex will Come Back?

If this is you, then the best way to handle the situation is to try to understand what’s causing your ex to stay broken up.

Is it because of some external circumstances?

Is it because they think that there are some issues in the relationship that need fixing?

Were they unhappy in the relationship even though you both truly loved each other?

Whenever you speak to your ex, try to figure out why they choose to stay broken up even though they don’t want this broken up. And once they open up, listen to them. Don’t judge them and don’t turn it into an argument. Don’t try to convince them to come back. Just listen to them.

When you have a better understanding of what’s keeping your ex from coming back, take a few days and think things through. Figure out if it’s something that can be resolved. Can you communicate better to resolve the issues? Can the circumstances be changed? Can you fix the issues that were making them unhappy?

Whatever it is, try to figure out a solution for the issue. And also give your ex some space while you are doing it. When you feel you have had enough time apart, reach out to them and speak to them about what you have learned. Tell them how things will be different and ask them to come back.

Remember, that just because you are trying to resolve the issues in the relationship, it does not necessarily mean that something was wrong with you. Just because something was broken in the relationship, it doesn’t mean that you are broken.

Be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that you are learning and growing as a person. And even if you made mistakes in the past, you can learn from them and become a better version of yourself.

Signs That Mean Your Ex Will Come Back if You Make the Right Moves

In most cases, an ex will not come back on their own. You may have to do something to set the wheels in motion. The following signs mean that you have a good chance of getting them back if you make the right moves. You will also find what you need to do to maximize your chances of your ex coming back.

4. You and Your Ex Agreed That The Relationship Was Special

If you and your ex had the type of relationship that you would both call special, then there is a good chance they will come back. When I say a special relationship, I mean a relationship where you both had great chemistry and great compatibility. Where you both trusted each other and spent a lot of time together. Where you both laughed together, had fun together, grew together and made some great memories together.

A special relationship does not mean that you didn’t fight or argue. There are arguments and fights in every relationship. But if you fought and argued all the time, then your relationship wasn’t really a healthy or a special relationship. In addition, if there was any kind of abuse in your relationship, then I won’t consider your relationship to be a good one.

If you and your ex never experienced the type of connection with anyone else that you felt with each other, then there is a good chance your ex will come back.

However, an ex will not automatically come back even if both of you shared a truly special connection. You will eventually have to reach out to them and start speaking again. You will have to eventually talk about the relationship and how both of you can learn from the past mistakes and create a healthy relationship.

How to Make the Right Moves?

Well, this entire website is about getting an ex back. A good place to start is by taking this quiz to figure out your chances of getting them back. After that, you should read this article that has a 5-step plan to get your ex back.

5. They Want to Stay in Touch with You (Or Your Friends and Family)

If your ex goes out of their way to stay in touch with you, your friends or your family after the breakup, then there is a good chance they are still interested in you and will eventually come back.

However, it doesn’t necessarily mean they will come back on their own. In most cases, you still need to make the right moves to attract them back.

What to Do If Your Ex Wants to Stay in Touch with You?

If you feel that you need some time apart from your ex to heal and grow from the breakup, then consider starting no contact and getting some space from your ex. Staying in touch with your ex may actually be stopping you from growing and becoming the person you need to be to get them back.

If you are confused, read this article on no contact or get in touch with one of our coaches to figure out the best course of action for your situation.

6. They still have strong feelings for you (and they still love you)

This one is obvious. If your ex still has strong feelings for you and they still feel love towards you, then there is a good chance they will eventually come back.

How do you know if they still love you?

I have already written a detailed article on this topic. So, if you are interested in learning about the signs that your ex still loves you, I recommend you read this article.

How to increase your chances of getting them back if your ex still loves you?

Just because your ex still loves you doesn’t guarantee that they will come back. Remember, something was broken in your relationship. And unless you fix that something, you can never be in a healthy and long-lasting relationship with your ex.

To get back with your ex, you must try to understand the root cause of the breakup and try to fix it.

7. They Open Up Once You Reach Out To Them With Honesty and Confidence

If you’ve read the 5-step plan to get back with your ex or the 5 Stages plan to get your ex-girlfriend back, you know I recommend you reach out to your ex when you feel you are ready after no contact.

With the right message, there is a good chance your ex will open up to you and want to start speaking to you again. It might take them a few days to digest the message and put their defenses down. But a lot of times, an ex feels like they can speak to you freely when they receive an honest and vulnerable message from you after a period of no communication.

The key to your exes mind and heart might just be the right message from you.

If this happens to you, there is a good chance your ex will eventually come back to you. You just need to stay patient and show them how things will be different this time.

How You Can Send Them the Message with Honesty and Confidence?

Remember, before you can send them a message, you need to get some space from each other and figure out what you can do to fix the issues that lead to the breakup.

Once you are ready, read this article on texting to understand how to text your ex. And then, download my bonus report that includes “5 Elephant in the Room” messages by clicking here.

8.Your Ex Wants to Meet Up

If your ex wants to meet up with you, that’s a huge sign that they will eventually come back. But just because they want to meet up doesn’t mean you’ve gotten them back. Meeting up with your ex is only the beginning of your new relationship with your ex.

You still need to make sure that you are confident in yourself, that you can fix whatever was broken in the relationship, and you don’t do anything that pushes them away.

What to Do If Your Ex Wants to Meet Up?

To increase your chances of getting them back in a healthy relationship, keep note of the following when you meet up with your ex.

a) Make sure that you are not needy or desperate. If you are still desperate to win them back, don’t meet up with them. Instead, ask them for space and do no contact for another week. During this time, work on your confidence and healing from the breakup.

Recommended Reading: The No Contact Rule To Heal From A Breakup and Get Your Ex Back

b) Make sure you have taken some time to reflect on the relationship patterns and the issues that lead to the breakup. If you contributed to the issues, think about what you could do differently moving forward (even if you don’t get back with your ex). There is a good chance that this topic will come up when you meet. It helps a lot if you are mentally prepared for it.

Recommended Reading: Should You Get Back With Your Ex – 6 Steps To Find Out

c) Keep a good posture. Dress well. Smell well. And show up with a smile on your face. When your ex sees you, they should feel attracted to you both physically and emotionally.

d) Have a good time. Don’t force a conversation. And don’t talk about getting back together on the first date.

More details on what to do when you meet your ex can be found in these articles.

How To Get Your Ex Back Permanently – 5 Step Plan

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back in 5 Stages

9. You (Or Your Ex) Understand What Lead to The Breakup and If It Can Be Fixed

If you and your ex broke up, then I can say with absolute certainty that something was broken in your relationship. The issue in most cases is figuring out what that something was and how to fix it.

Remember, just because something was broken in the relationship, it does not necessarily mean something was broken in you. Sometimes, a relationship ends because of reasons that you can’t control. And if that happened with you, it may be for the best to give up on your ex and focus on healing from the breakup.

Having a growth mindset can help you learn from your mistakes and grow as a person.

They probably left you because something was missing, or something was broken in the relationship. And you need to figure out what that was. And you need to figure out if you can fix that and have a healthy relationship with your ex in the future.

In a lot of cases, that something is communication. And if you were not communicating with your partner in a way that made them feel understood and accepted, then that’s probably why this breakup happened. And you need to learn how to communicate effectively to fix that.

Recommended Book: Non Violent Communications by Marshal B. Rosenberg.

It could be things other than communication as well. A lot of people have issues that need a lot of self-introspection, self-improvement or even therapy to resolve.

For example, your ex (or you) may have commitment issues that might have made them sabotage the relationship as soon as things got serious. To understand and resolve those commitment issues, they (or you) will need to understand the root cause of those issues and resolve them. It usually requires therapy and a lot of introspection.

According to Dr. Judith Kuriansky, PhD on BBC, one of the most commons reasons exes get back together is “feeling like they’ve grown and matured.”

We agree because we conducted a study and found the same thing. In the study done by Ex Back Permanently on couples getting back together (and staying together), we found that “Self-Improvement” is what helps the most in getting back with an ex and staying together for good.

If you understand the root cause of the breakup and you know how to fix that root cause, then there is a good chance your ex will come back. It’s important that you take action towards fixing that root cause of the breakup. Once your ex realizes that things have changed, they will most likely want to come back.

On the other hand, if your ex is aware of the root cause of the breakup and they are actively trying to fix the issue (for example, commitment issues); then there is a good chance they will come back eventually when they feel they are ready.

What To Do to Increase Your Chances of Getting Them Back if you Understand the Cause of the Breakup and How to Fix It?

It’s important to actually want to fix the issue for your own growth rather than for just wanting to get your ex back. You should be doing it because you think it will help you become a better person and improve all your relationships. You shouldn’t be doing it just to get your ex back.

For example, if communication was an issue in the relationship, it makes sense to want to learn to communicate better, so you don’t make the same mistakes in your next relationship (even if it’s not with your ex).

But if your ex just wanted you to be someone you are not (for example, a party person), and you force yourself to become a party person just to get your ex back, it does not make sense. It doesn’t make you a better person and it won’t necessarily help you even if you don’t get your ex back.

To increase your chances of getting back with your ex in a healthy relationship, make sure what you are doing makes you a better person. This way, everything you do or say to your ex will be genuine and authentic. And your new relationship will have much stronger foundations than it had before.

Conclusion

Wanting to know if your ex will eventually come back is a natural response to the breakup. Your mind is going through breakup grief (Denial) and it wants to believe that this breakup is temporary.

Feeding your denial is not healthy and it doesn’t help you get your ex back and keep them.

Instead, you should focus on what you can actively do to become a better person and have a healthy fulfilling relationship (with or without your ex).

Your ex may come back.

Or your ex may never come back.

But with the right attitude, the right mindset, and a little bit willpower, you can make sure that you will find the love and happiness you deserve. You can make sure that your next relationship will be an amazing relationship. Be it with your ex or with someone else.

To figure out how to take control of this situation and what to do to get your ex back in a healthy relationship, read one of the following articles. They are extremely detailed and free to read.

How to Get Your Ex Back Permanently – 5 step plan

How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back by Leveling Up in 5 Stages

In addition, here are a few extra resources that will help you move forward and take control of your life after a bad breakup.

Is your ex worth getting back? – Find out in 6 steps

What are your chances of getting your ex back – Take this interactive quiz to find out

The Five Conversations You Need To Have With Your Ex To Get Them back and Keep Them Permanently

Disclosure: The links in this article that lead to amazon are affiliate links and this website earns commission on purchases made through those links.