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This article was co-written by Jacqueline Hellyer. Jacqueline Hellyer is a psychotherapist and founder of The Love Life Blog and The LoveLife Clinic. With over 20 years of experience, Jacqueline specializes in counseling and advice on sex and emotional issues. In addition to working as a psychosexual therapist for the Australian Association of Sexologists, Jacqueline is also a professional coach for the International Federation of Coaches (ICF). Jacqueline holds a bachelor’s degree in biochemistry and humanities from the Australian National University, a postgraduate degree in applied sciences from the University of Canberra, a bachelor’s degree in linguistics and literature from the University of New England, and a master’s degree. in sexual health from the University of Sydney and a master’s degree in cognitive science, spirituality & transpersonal psychology from the Alef Trust. Her work and knowledge have been featured in the magazines Australian Men’s Health, Cosmoppitan, Australian Women’s Health, Marie Claire and 60 Minutes.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 2,743 times.
To begin with, let’s make one thing clear: marriage isn’t the reason sex gets boring. Whether you’ve been married for 2 months or 20 years, keeping the fire in the bedroom is simply talking and taking “sex” seriously in your relationship. Do not you believe it? Here, we’ve got all you need to know to help you live a happily ever after and sexually fulfilled life.
Steps
Improve sex life in marriage
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Arrange regular date nights. Date nights are an opportunity for a couple to reconnect as a couple. Set basic conventions to keep the two of you focused on each other, such as “don’t talk about kids” and “don’t talk about work” are two useful agreements. You can add other conventions that suit the situation. It can be a bit awkward at first, but then you’ll fall in love every now and then. [5] X Trusted Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Go to Source
- Casual dates also help – do what you both enjoy. If you want to go out to dinner and watch a movie, there’s nothing wrong with that. It is important that the two of you have private moments for each other.
- Put your phone aside when you’re out on a date so you can enjoy some quality time together. If you have young children, set a certain time to check in, such as right before the kids go to bed.
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Learn about sex and pleasure. It’s okay if you don’t know much about sex yet – you have plenty of time to learn. Don’t worry if you’re embarrassed – there are tons of free resources online where you can learn about the human body and sexuality. [6] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Share your concerns with your partner. Couples can study together if they find something they both don’t know.
- Masturbation is also a way for you to learn about your body, as well as what types of touch and senses bring you pleasure.
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Try new things that you both agree on. To have an open and honest conversation about ways to rock your sex life. You can try new positions, use toys, or experiment with other activities, such as tie-ups or role-playing. [7] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
- Check out books, newspapers, and videos for inspiration to try new things. Even pictures and pornography can give you some ideas. You can find many of these for free online, so no one will know but you and your wife.
- Remember that consent is still important even if you are married. If you’re going to try something new, you and your partner should consult each other regularly to make sure you’re both having fun.
- You can also agree on a safe word to stop as soon as one of you feels uncomfortable.
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Make room for spontaneity. You can enhance your love life by planning a surprise for your partner. Yes, “planning” sounds like the opposite of “spontaneous” – but if you’re married and have kids, you probably know that there’s no such thing as really random. Create moments that give you a chance to immerse yourself in the fun of improvisation. [8] X Research Sources
- For example, you might send your child out to check the mailbox or take out the trash. Maybe the kids are only absent for 1-2 minutes, but that should be enough for the two of you to cuddle a little.
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Initiate love more often. If your partner is usually the one who initiates sex, then try breaking the rules a bit now! When you actively initiate sex (or just physical intimacy that doesn’t necessarily lead to “sex”), your partner will feel they’re coveted, and this will certainly help. Improve your sex life. [9] X Trusted Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Go to Source
- For example, you can crawl naked next to your partner, pressing your body against theirs. Sometimes that’s enough to let them know what you want.
- Don’t get cocky if you try to be sexy but your partner doesn’t respond. Perhaps you also remember a time when you were in your partner’s shoes – situations like this happen all the time. Never get angry or try to force your partner into this.
- If your partner isn’t interested in having sex, you can cuddle or find other ways to cuddle.
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Take the time to get inspired. Talk to your partner about things that can keep you both interested. You can make a big difference by taking the time to get in the mood before you get close to your partner. This also helps both of you to relax after a busy and stressful day. [10] X Trusted Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Go to Source
- Every couple has a different way of doing this, so do whatever you and your partner enjoy. Maybe it’s candlelight and sexy love songs, or it could be nothing more than a sports game on TV that a couple in cheerleaders watch.
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Avoid comparing your couple’s bedroom with other couples. The important thing is that you and your partner are both satisfied. Don’t pay attention to the articles and statistics that suggest your sex life isn’t great. Only you know what is great for you. [11] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- For example, let’s say you just read an article that says that couples with great sex lives usually have sex twice a week, but you and your husband only have sex every two weeks. Is that frequency enough for you? Are you and your partner satisfied? If yes, that’s fine!
- This could also mean deciding to stop watching porn. If you find yourself constantly comparing your performance to porn actors and feel inadequate, then just turn it off.
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The couple exercise together to increase endorphin levels and get closer. Sports not only help you increase stamina and have a toned body, but also stimulate the body to produce happy chemicals in the brain, thereby increasing libido. Studies show that people who do aerobic exercise three to four times a week are more physically close to their partner and have more orgasms. [12] X Research Source
- Physical activity also helps you improve your self-image and feel more confident with your body movements.
- While exercise isn’t a miracle, if you lead a sedentary life, getting more active can change your sex life for the better.
Create intimacy for a better sex life
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Bring sex into conversations between couples. If you want sex to become a regular part of your life, talk about sex as it is. Try to think about the things that are important to you. Surely you often talk about these problems with your partner, don’t you? Sex is the same. [13] X Research Source
- This doesn’t mean you have to constantly be suggestive or make sexual innuendos. You just need to talk about sex in general, just like you would talk about your favorite sports or pastimes.
- If you are reading articles about human sexuality and learning more about pleasure, you and your spouse can share and discuss those articles.
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Stimulate feelings of intimacy and physical closeness with non-sexual touch. Putting your hand on your partner’s arm or leg when talking, hugging your shoulder or rubbing your back as you pass them, Those little gestures bring you closer to your partner. [14] X Trusted Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Go to Source
- Non-sexual threads bridge the gap between sex and everyday touches. When the couple is used to touching each other, you will no longer have to worry about transitioning to “sex”.
- Physical intimacy also makes it easier to try new things in love without feeling awkward. If you’re not used to it, just start slowly; Then gradually you will feel more comfortable.
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Regularly compliment each other. Even if you and your spouse have been together for many years, you still need to tell your partner what you like about them. Your compliments show that you find them attractive and that you crave them – intense emotions that can boost your sex life. [15] X Research Source
- Try to think of at least one compliment each day for your partner, such as being patient with their children or their crafty coffee making. Whatever it is, look for something very specific.
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Focus on increasing intimacy, and sex will come naturally. Most people just hear the word “intimacy” and immediately think of sex, but the truth is that there are many forms of intimacy. Creating emotional, mental, and physical intimacy with your partner is one way to dramatically improve your sex life in your marriage. [16] X Research Source
- You can increase emotional and spiritual intimacy by having open and honest conversations with your partner once a week. Just a few minutes of conversation can bring two people closer together.
- Many times, the spiritual and emotional closeness comes from two people getting to know each other and exposing their vulnerabilities when together.
- If you’ve been married for a long time, you may feel like you know your partner well and don’t need to try to find out or question them. New activities that a couple do together, like learning a new hobby together, can help a couple see each other in a new light.
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Arrange couples’ vacations to break with the routine. Whether you’re looking for a way to rekindle your love life or just want a change of heart, there’s nothing better than a weekend getaway. Many resorts and spas have packages designed specifically for couples looking for a romantic getaway. [17] X Research Source
- You don’t have to go far – in fact, you don’t even have to leave the city you live in. If long trips don’t fit your schedule or budget, book a night in a hotel to enjoy a world of two and leave everyday life outside.
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Seek help when there are other problems affecting your sex life. It is not uncommon for people to have medical or psychological problems that cause a decrease in libido. While these are often difficult to talk about, your doctor can help. Gather the courage to take the first step toward solving the problem – this can dramatically improve your sex life with your partner. [18] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- A therapist can help you if you have a psychological problem or past trauma that has affected your sex life in some way. If the problem is related to your relationship with your partner, couple therapy may be helpful.
- Your doctor can help you with health problems. However, even after these issues have been addressed, it is possible that lingering thoughts or worries are making sex difficult. A therapist can also help you in this case.
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This article was co-written by Jacqueline Hellyer. Jacqueline Hellyer is a psychotherapist and founder of The Love Life Blog and The LoveLife Clinic. With over 20 years of experience, Jacqueline specializes in counseling and advice on sex and emotional issues. In addition to working as a psychosexual therapist for the Australian Association of Sexologists, Jacqueline is also a professional coach for the International Federation of Coaches (ICF). Jacqueline holds a bachelor’s degree in biochemistry and humanities from the Australian National University, a postgraduate degree in applied sciences from the University of Canberra, a bachelor’s degree in linguistics and literature from the University of New England, and a master’s degree. in sexual health from the University of Sydney and a master’s degree in cognitive science, spirituality & transpersonal psychology from the Alef Trust. Her work and knowledge have been featured in the magazines Australian Men’s Health, Cosmoppitan, Australian Women’s Health, Marie Claire and 60 Minutes.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 2,743 times.
To begin with, let’s make one thing clear: marriage isn’t the reason sex gets boring. Whether you’ve been married for 2 months or 20 years, keeping the fire in the bedroom is simply talking and taking “sex” seriously in your relationship. Do not you believe it? Here, we’ve got all you need to know to help you live a happily ever after and sexually fulfilled life.
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